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MERRY CHRISTMAS!! And... the random.

"We are each of us angels with on one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." -- Luciano de Cresenzo

Nollaig shona duit (Happy Christmas)!

I  am forever indebted to each of you for your inspiration, support, guidance, and friendship. I  wish you love, light, and laughter this coming year. May the time fly unti our boys return to us.

Siochan leat (Peace be with you)!

This is really, truly all over the place random. Read at your own risk.

I'm starting to wonder if I should bother continuing to post my stories in the LJ communities. I don't read many stories here (well, period, unless I know the writer or someone rec's a story) and so I didn't realize that I'd been posting my chapters incorrectly in the communities all this time. No one told me. Not that that is an excuse; I could have been more observant and figured that out for myself.

But with this most recent chapter of Weapon and the Wound, I had two people school me on how to do it better. Quite honestly? It's a lot of work. And I don't really get many comments. 'Course... maybe I don't get comments because I've been doing it wrong. Who knows. I'm just wondering if it's worth it. Does that sound bad?

The parents visited this weekend. Their visits always leave me feeling oddly hung over. Like the only thing that will make "it" better is a glass of wine and a good cry. It wasn't bad, per se. Nothing traumatic or scarring occured. But enough sideways comments and backwards insults were tossed my way that I feel slightly bruised. Mo Chuisle loved having their attention, though. And she didn't hear the jibes. She didn't see the looks. She only saw love, and that both buoyed me and broke my heart.

I didn't have the courage to be completely honest with them about something. I'll know more after next week, but it may very well be the case that I can't have any more babies. I'll be 35 in January, and I'm having a little bit of trouble with that. Which is odd, actually, because my husband and I have said we weren't sure we wanted any others. But to not be able to... it's just somehow different.

My mother made a few comments about Mo Chuisle's eventual siblings -- innocent enough when you're a grandma who wants a lot of grandbabies around you (to more easily criticize their mothers because of how they're being raised... sorry... bitterness rearing up there). I could've have stopped her with a few sentences, but honestly? I was afraid of the whole level of "well, what have you done to yourself" type questions that would raise.

I was a bit of a rebel before they got here, though. My rebelions are innocent enough. I didn't drink until I was 21, my first kiss was when I was 23, and my husband was my first and only lover. I never snuck out of the house, and while I have been ticketed for having a lead foot on more than one occasion, I've never been arrested. I am the only one of all the kids in my family that can say that. Perhaps their rebellion is my fault; I did raise two of them after all.

Anyway, my rebellions are my music -- I've always had a penchent for rock, modern and classic, listened to LOUDLY -- my tattoos -- I have two and will be getting a third when I go to see thruterryseyes mid-January -- and my hair color, which is subject to change. Just before the parents came, I got my hairs cut, got the red caught up, and put a stripe of dark black on the left side of my head, somewhat under the bangs and side hair so that I could kinda cover it. But when I tuck my hair behind my ears, the color change is dramatic.

I love it. Mom was... less than pleased. Which, like a total child, made me love it more.

You ever look at your relationship with your parents and fear for your relationship with your child/children? Mo Chuisle and I are connected in a way I never felt with my mother. And she's two (my baby, not my mother). I am working to take these life lessons and mold them into a connection with my daughter that is 70% parent and guide, and 30% friend and confident. I want her to trust me, to honor me, to know that even if it's "bad," she can still tell me.

I am so excited about Christmas on Thursday. Her big blue eyes just light up with the idea of magic and "prizes" which she calls presents. She is going to be a fantastic, wonderful, joyful handful. :) I am giddy in love with her. *laugh*

deangirl1 asked that I consider posting some of my Virtual Season stories during the wait for Chapter 3 of Weapon and the Wound. I'm still a tad gun-shy about those, though I do intend to post them at some point. I thought perhaps to get me started in releasing them in another forum besides the one that still has painful memories, I'd start with my 2007 Christmas fic, A Midnight Clear. It was written for the 2007 collection of VS Christmas offerings, but because there were no limitations, I set it in Season 3. It was my first Season 3 story and was written before A Very Supernatural Christmas aired, so it's basically AU. Canon-ish AU, if there is such a thing. I may just post it here and on ff.net, though. Save the trouble of the communities.

Okay, enough ramble. I wish anyone reading this a safe and wonderful holiday and light and laughter as you start your New Year.



( 26 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )
Dec. 23rd, 2008 05:25 am (UTC)
*hugs tightly* I'm glad you get to celebrate Christmas with just your family, and not your parents as well, so that you truly get to enjoy the special time.

I don't know about crossposting to comms – I think that there are always going to be more people lurking and reading than commenting on your fics, but I think that's true of every writer. Maybe you could just crosspost to one community that you like?

*hugs tightly*

Happy Holidays!

(Hopefully I can FINALLY start reading The Weapon and the Wound!)
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you -- for the words and the hugs.

Maybe you're right... perhaps I should just pick one comm that I like and stick with that. Or, maybe I should just get over myself. *laugh* There are worse problems to have than to not be posting on LJ comm's correctly.

Merry Christmas, my friend, and thank you for everything!
Dec. 23rd, 2008 05:55 am (UTC)
Aw, don't let LJ get you down. Especially the comms.

Even with vids, you rarely see a lot of comments on the entries but they're good for getting your stuff out there and maybe hooking some new readers. I really only use LJ to have a place to store my download links. (And to make pointless rants about spoilers ;P)

And sorry to hear about the family stuff but hope you have a good holiday and New Year's :)
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:16 pm (UTC)
So far, Christmas Eve has been great with just the hubs, baby girl, and I. :) We're going to have a great dinner and I can't wait to play Santa Claus when we get her in bed.

You're right -- I should totally just get over the whole LJ comm thing. It might be irritating a bit now and then, but so what? I really enjoy this part of it -- the journal part. And I can figure out the rules to one comm, maybe and keep it at that.

Thanks for everything, girl. Your vids remind me so much of why I started this crazy ride to begin with. :)
Dec. 23rd, 2008 05:56 am (UTC)
Happy holidays!
Can't think straight right now to ponder crossposting but do what you like - if people want to read they'll find your stories. And i know people do want to read, i saw recs at spnstoryfinders.
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:17 pm (UTC)
I've never heard of spnstoryfinders, so thanks for letting me know about that. :)

I hope you have a great holiday, too, my friend, and I thank you most sincerely for everything.
Dec. 25th, 2008 04:58 am (UTC)
Back at you :)

That comm helps to find fics - mostly wincest of course but there were very interesting requests.
Enjoy your holidays!
Dec. 23rd, 2008 05:24 pm (UTC)
I am working to take these life lessons and mold them into a connection with my daughter that is 70% parent and guide, and 30% friend and confident. I want her to trust me, to honor me, to know that even if it's "bad," she can still tell me.

I think that's a pretty good goal to shoot for, the 70/30 mix, at least for now. The nice thing is that you can adjust the ratio as she gets older. I'd say my baby girl (age 21) and I are about 30/70 right now and that it's wonderful. It's so much fun seeing her as a fully formed and incredibly great person, and not have to feel so responsible for everything I say and do around her. It's freeing. The really amazing thing is that she seems to enjoy spending time with me, too.

The best way I've found to make sure a child feels comfortable telling you things is to be careful how you react when they do. She will possibly tell you things that her friends are doing just to get a read on your feelings about it. DO NOT act shocked, disgusted, etc., no matter how appalled you may be--quickest way to shut things down. I used to just listen to the stories, then sort of work in my take on the situation tactfully, sort of "So how did that work out for Tara?" or whatever--sort of point out where these bad decisions lead. But that's a ways down the road, lol.

And wow, if hair, skin and music are your worst rebellions, then your parents got off way easy. BTW, I don't think we ever outgrow that. Oh, and did I tell you? Me and DD are getting matching tattoos before we go to the LA con in March! I just have to figure out what. *feels rebellious*
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:19 pm (UTC)
Awesome!! I didn't know that about you and DD -- that's fantastic! *grins big*

Tell you what -- if I post a pic of my new one, you post a pic of yours, deal?

I soaked up your words about letting the ratio shift as Mo Chuisle grows -- and keeping it level with her when she does come to me. That is amazing, fantastic advice, and I thank you for it.

Thanks so much for your friendship, chemm; it's been a rare and fabulous gift getting to know you via LJ this year.
Dec. 25th, 2008 01:42 am (UTC)
Ditto, babe. I'll definitely post some pics, if we ever figure out what we're getting. *smishes*
Dec. 23rd, 2008 09:47 pm (UTC)
I read your fic on ff.net and so wouldn’t have noticed if they’d been posted incorrectly. But I wouldn’t bother posting here if it is a lot of trouble; you lead a busy life and shouldn’t be troubled with posting fic here – just so long as you continue to post on ff.net!! I am just finishing the new chapter now and will leave a review on ff.net.

“She didn't see the looks. She only saw love, and that both buoyed me and broke my heart”. Oh the innocence of youth if only we could all keep that child-like innocence and wonder at everything we see. I often wish I could look at life through the eyes of a child – the world would be a much better place if we could keep that innocence.

I do understand what you mean about wanting more babies, to make the decision yourself is one thing but to have that decision taken away is a totally different kettle of fish! You always want what you cannot have. I actually started my menopause at about 37 years old but thankfully, I didn’t want anymore children.

“my husband was my first and only lover.” - So was mine Gaelic!! I met my husband at 26 years old and have never been with anyone else! – can’t say the same about the drinking though, I was brought up in a pub!

“I am working to take these life lessons and mold them into a connection with my daughter that is 70% parent and guide, and 30% friend and confident. I want her to trust me, to honor me, to know that even if it's "bad," she can still tell me.” - You seem to me to be doing a perfect job! It is so important to not only be a mother but to be their friend as well and also to be there to ‘show them the way’ but if you do it just right she will become an independent and confident young lady who will always turn to you when she needs guidance or even just a friend. One of my daughters (I won’t say which) had sex at quite a young age and I was so pleased when she confided in me, I was also disappointed and upset but we both cried together I managed to sort things out with her and her boyfriend to make sure that there were no unwanted pregnancies. Although being upset I was so pleased that she felt she trusted me enough to tell me. They both told me when they first had sex which makes me feel blessed that they have so much trust in me and want to confide in me. I feel sure that you will have the same relationship with your little one Gaelic as you are doing all the right things, not that there is right or wrong – but in my opinion you have it spot on! An achievement all the more admirable because you didn’t have a role model growing up, I did because as I have said before, my mother was my best friend in the whole world and I had her influence to show me the way.

I am so glad you said “Happy Christmas” Gaelic! I really don’t like calling it “Happy Holidays” – although we don’t tend to do that over here, it’s thankfully still Happy Christmas.

I would like to wish you and yours a Happy Christmas and a very healthy, happy New Year. I now mine will be happy because I have a photo shoot with Jensen and Misha to look forward to! We’ve been told that if we close our eyes during the photos the photographer will take another – my idea is to keep my eyes closed all the time then I could stand with Jensen all day – don’t think that will work somehow!! Also if my eyes are closed I won’t get to see him!!

Dec. 24th, 2008 09:32 pm (UTC)
*Laugh out loud* I never thought of thought of keeping your eyes closed so that you were guaranteed a little more time, you devious little minx. So funny!!!

I am so excited for you that you get to do that in, oh, gosh, is it in March? I know it's Asylum, but I've forgotten the month. In any case, I cannot WAIT for details and pics!!! :) *grins*

I'm kinda moving backwards through your reply.

I know that the term Happy Holidays encompasses more practices and religions, and I'm glad of that. I do wish those who celebrate Hanakkuh and Kwanza and other festivities that I'm forgetting a happy and joyous time. But for me, the holiday is Christmas and it's truthfully the one holiday that is recognized and treasured the world over. It is about my faith, yes, but it's also about a collective presence of peace and love that you simply don't get with any other holiday. So, Happy Christmas, indeed, my friend. Having had the opportunity to know you virtually is as amazing as any tactile friendship.

I'm so pleased and thankful that your girls regard you as they do -- as their guide and confident. And I know a lot of it has to do with the example your beautiful mother set for you. I didn't exactly have that same example, yet, in a way I did. I had it in the negative through my family, and in the postive through my friends. I am truly blessed to have the friends that I do.

My hubs' "status" in my life was one of those conscious choices that I honest to God doubt the wisdom of at times, but am always thankful for in the end. I do occasionally think "is there anything I missed out on" or "how can I tell Mo Chuisle X, Y, and Z if I've only experienced X?"

But in the end, level-headedness grips me once more and he gives me that little-boy, half-grin of his, or says my name just right, or touches my back in a way that means "you're mine, and mine alone" and I get all shivery and know that I made the right choice for me. Not just in choosing him, but in not choosing anyone else.

The baby thing is still something I'm spinning a bit with. Financially, emotionally, Mo Chuisle is enough for us. But then my arms will feel so empty and I'll find myself thinking "look what we were able to do together with her, who else could we bring into the world?" However, I do believe there is a reason for everything, and if I find out next week that my body has made the decision for me, then I'll have to believe that there is a reason for that as well. I may not like it. There could be tears. But, I'll believe it.

Sorry for the rambly responce! I guess you bring that out in me. :) No worries -- I'll never stop posting on ff.net. It was my first fanfic home. If I stop doing anything, it would be to stop posting in the communities here on LJ, but I'll keep my journal and post stories here as I ussually do.


Have a fantastic night, my friend.
Dec. 23rd, 2008 11:51 pm (UTC)
Well, yeah, the comms. They can be very...convoluted with their rules of posting. And, no, I don't get many comments, either. Like LSketch said, they are basically good for getting your name out there for new readers and I have gained a few that way. My fave comm is the Hurt!Dean one.

I know its frustrating and time consuming. One thing you might try, post a story after it is finished using a link to your own journal or to a master posting of that fic...I can show you an example of what I mean if you're interested. But, that way, its a little less work for you and the readers at the comm don't have to wait.

Sorry mom is still holding that power over you. I don't think we ever stop wanting our parents' approval and they always seem to be able to hurt our hearts with a look better than almost anyone. *pats you* Hey, though, your mom has no idea how lucky she was/is to have you just as you are. Your rebellions aren't even a blink to how you could've reacted to your childhood.

You absolutely cannot take the blame for your sibs. It was never YOUR responsibility to raise them and even the best parents sometimes have rebellious kids, ya know? As a teacher, I've seen that happen often enough to scare me with my own kids. Besides, each person makes their own choices. If a bad childhood or inept parenting was a reason for rebellion and bad choices, than my hubby wouldn't be the father he is, the person he is...and neither would you.

Still, I'm sure you did great with your sibs.

I don't have the same relationship with my mom as you, but I do know what disapproval feels like and how deeply it cuts. All you can do is try to remind yourself that sometimes its more about them than you. Just because they don't agree or approve doesn't make them right. That's what I've had to learn...I love my parents dearly, but sometimes, just as all people are, they are just plain wrong.

And, man, that is rough about the baby thing. I would love, love, love to have another baby--no doubts in my mind--but I'm afraid to after all my complications with baby girl. So, yeah, it does suck...but, maybe it'll turn out okay.

I hope you all enjoy your Christmas and may little one receive loads of prizes!!!

P.S. That is so cool that your hubby is your only--I'm not alone!!! It's a miracle.

Edited at 2008-12-23 11:52 pm (UTC)
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:48 pm (UTC)
Oh, my friend, how I've missed you. Your words here are like a balm on my heart.

Oh! I almost forgot! We got your Christmas Card yesterday! Thank you so much for thinking of us! I was honored and warmed by your thoughtfulness.

Thanks so much for what you said about my sibs. I beat myself up about that a lot. I know in the logical part of me that their lives are because of their choices, but I always find myself wishing "If I'd just done blah blah blah then something might be different for them."

I do not want to look at Mo Chuisle's life with the same regret. So, perhaps that's the best lesson I could have learned with the sibs, yeah?

You're so right about disapproval, though. Nothing worked so well on me as a punishment growing up as saying "I'm disappointed in you." And while now I wouldn't change my actions because of what they think -- at least to do what they say; I may change to do the opposit -- I still care. I still kinda want to hear that I'm doing a good job.

I can SEE that I'm doing a good job by how Mo Chuisle treats them and others, but what I hear from Mom is "all people today are worried about is getting their kids in the right daycare or preschool, leaving the teachers to teach them how to behave instead of just educating them... when you were young, it was the parents who taught them how to behave so all the teachers had to do was educate them..." *sigh*

This came right after I pointed out the preschool I wanted to get baby girl into. And right after I said how hard I was working to keep projects coming in -- stay working, blah blah blah.

ANYWAY, that's why I turn to my friends. Who get it. Who get ME. And who don't criticize. *HUGS FRIENDS*

We may have to talk later, one on one, about the baby thing. I'll find you. I put a bit more in my reply above.

Grandma is here to start cooking Christmas Eve dinner. Happy Christmas!!! My best to you and yours. *HUGS*

Dec. 23rd, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
Hello m'dear, Happy Crimbo to you and yours and how exciting for you to have Mo on Christmas Day. Whilst my boys still love christmas there's no more putting out a carrot, pie and sherry by the fireplace for santa, I have to set the alarm to put their little stockings (yes, I still do it at 15 &18 yrs) by their beds, because generally I'm in bed before them!! And there's no story - Night Before Christmas - excited little hands pulling back the drapes cos they thought they saw a sleigh in the sky and no bouncing on the bed, squeeling and then that delicious tucking in. Ahh, how I used to love all that, fond memories indeedy so i know how much you are going to enjoy yours.

Benefits are that I get a cuppa made, the dishwasher sorted and we play 'growed up' games and talk and it's still so wonderful, just diferent. And you look back and wonder how quickly did all that time go.

Oh hark at me all a rambling, wait till tomorrow I'll be walking round the house reciting The Night Before Christmas like some mad woman possessed. I have a love of kids poetry and for some odd reason have loads in my head probs from reading them too many times, a repetitive child perhaps! Comes in handy for keeping kids entertained and me *g.

So, onto your posting here. Well, naturally the choice is yours but if you truly want an opinion, I love this place. It's a bit like an extension of a home, aside your fics we get to read snippets about your life and doings and I think that makes the stories you read even more personal. It feels, comfortable, here for me. I don't really understand the crossposting thing, I have an LJ but I don't post on it anymore and never understood all those >< that you had to put in so I grew tired of it but love reading others. As you know I used to read and comment on the SPN story site, but honestly, I prefer here. However, will go where the fics are put, so you be happy and do what makes you feel good m'dear.

Back to the wishing of Happy Christmas, though I will be around again tomorrow to start reading part one. Mad day today fighting for a trolly and a turkey in Marks and Spencers at 8 am. Ack mad English people only could actually form an orderly and very long queue outside the shop when the light of day was still breaking. Gotta laugh and chill about the trolleys hitting legs and huffing and puffing all rather entertaining if you stand back and watch and don't let it drag you down methinks!!

Merry Happy to one and all. And oh look, my avatar has the 2009 Premier League winners on it. *vbg.* We meet, as hubs will know, on 28th Dec at their Gaff should be a good local derby.

Jane :)
Dec. 25th, 2008 03:32 am (UTC)
Hi lady!!! I asked my hubs about the Premier League and he just smiled and nodded.

As for posting here -- I will definitely keep posting on my journal. I was just debating on the comms. I'm going to try to do it again with Chapter 3 and see if I can get it right... we'll see.

The hubs and I just finished putting together Mo Chuisle's Santa present and putting the wrapped gifts under the tree. Using Santa as a ploy to get her to go to sleep totally worked. :) I wish we could use that every night. I can't wait for the morning. It's going to be a great day.

Happy Christmas!!!
Dec. 31st, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
Oooh sneaky hubby's team that's what they are, quick one in the back door, three mins before the end of the game. But, a well done is due and graciously given, despite it meaning those nasty boys in red now top the table!

Wishing you and yours, in advance, a very Happy New Year 2009 and may it bring you happiness, health and good fortune.

Thank you for a lovely year of stories and eppy reviews, long may they continue.

Jane X :) X
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 25th, 2008 03:38 am (UTC)
Aw, sweetie. *hugs*

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. My heart goes out to you. And, I thank you for sharing that with me as in an odd way, it helps to know that I'm not alone in this situation. I'm not really sure what my situation is yet. It could be early menopause. It could be scarring from other issues. I'll find out soon enough. And you're right. I do have a beautiful baby girl, and I thank God every day for her.

Thank you for reaching out. And for letting me know you enjoy reading my stories. That buoy's me like you can never know. Thank you so much for that.

Best to you always,
Dec. 24th, 2008 09:23 pm (UTC)
Merry Christmas, I hope it'll be not just words, but really - merry holidays, festive mood, lots of finger-licking food and a lot of SNOW!

So nice to read about your way of rebellion, actually, I followed the same one, except tattoos and haircolor (but not hairdo). And I never tried anything other than that. A kid from a dream, heh)

Your Mom has to be the happiest Mom ever, having such a child. And no doubts.
Dec. 25th, 2008 03:39 am (UTC)

Yeah, my rebellion was rather tame, I suppose. Thanks for saying that about my Mom. I hope you're right.

I really appreciate your words, and I think tomorrow will definitely be merry. Today was great, and we spent the evening building the baby's Santa's gift. :) I am still smiling. We'll see how she reacts tomorrow.

Thanks again, so much.

Dec. 27th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
New Years Wishes!!
Hey Gaelic,

Oops, I was a bit late finding this - Christmas commitments didn't leave time for the internet!! So, too late to wish you a happy Christmas, but still in time to wish you and your family health & happiness for the coming year.

I am a total failure when it comes to modern technology, so can't really be of any help with your livejournal problems. I always used to read your stuff on ff.net, and still print it off from there 'cos it's easier. I found your lj site by accident but love reading your thoughts and comments on life, love, and of course Supernatural!!

I know that Chistmas can be a trying time. I am really close to my (very small) family back home in England, but spend every Christmas with the in-laws (out-laws!!) over here in Canada. It is very difficult to spend a family occasion with someone elses family, following their traditions and smiling along with everything when really I am desperately homesick. It is supposed to be about spending time with the ones you love, but they might not be close by, and they may not even be those you are related to. But, as I tell my husband (who has a somewhat 'interesting' realtinoship with his mother), your family is the only one you are going to get, and you wouldn't want to regret anything that was said or done if something suddenly happened to them and you couldn't go back on it. If you are always gracious and try to do the right thing then you will have a clear conscience, even if they don't always treat you with the same resepct.

The baby thing, wow. I hope that you do get some good news, you deserve a break after all the health dramas of the past year. Even if you decide not to have any more, that is different from not being able to. I have never wanted to have children, I have always been more of an animal than a people person! My husband knew right from when we first met that I had no intention of ever havng children, and he came to terms with it, well mostly anyway, he still makes the odd comment about having them. But, I am getting older, will be 33 at the end of January and realise that soon my body will be too old to have children even if I should want to. My best friend back home is pregnant with her first baby and even though I know I have made the right decision not to have children of my own it is definitely affecting me emotionally. I think that part of that is being so far away and not being able to share the experience with her as much as I would like to. Even though the in-laws know I don't want to have children, it doesn't stop the repeated comments about when we are going to make them grand-parents, but they will just have to settle for athe grand-puppy instead!!

So, there you go. I added my ramble to your ramble!! Thanks for posting Midnight Clear here, I had forgotten about that one, and it was a Christmas gift from you to all of us who love Supernatural and your writing!! Wishing you all the best for the New Year, take care

Jan. 1st, 2009 12:55 am (UTC)
Re: New Years Wishes!!
Hey there -- I am going to reply to both of these in your next post. :) But just wanted to acknowledge your comments here.
Dec. 27th, 2008 08:58 pm (UTC)
Oh, forgot a couple of things!!!

My husband was my first too!! I was something of a late bloomer and was in my late twenties when I got together with him, we were each others first 'initmate' relationship - quite a rarity these days, especially at such an 'advanced' age!!! But, it was worth waiting for the right person, definitely.

I am an only child, I was really sick when I was a child and my parents decided that they couldn't cope with a) another child that was sick too, or b) it wouldn't have been fair on a second, healthy, child to have so much time and attention on me. However, I was not spoiled in anyway, had plently of friends to play with, and grew up fiercely independent! You hear so many stories of only children who are spoiled rotten, or who are solitary and clingy - believe me, not every only child turns out like that and it sounds like you are doing a great job so far with your little one.

Rebelling!!! I was a total goody two-shoes growing up - not your typical army child who are usually horrible!! But, in my early teenage-hood my rebellion consisted of riding on the back of a friends older sisters boyfriends motor bike, when my Mum had already told me not to!!! Somehow, she found out, to this day I have no idea how. My parents were pretty strict, and my Mum actually threatened to send me to boarding school over the whole incident!! Luckily, she never carried through with that one!

My realtionship with my parents was somewhat tumultous in my early teens, as I tried to find out who I was within the constraints of their rules. But, later on in life, as they loosened the reins a bit I came to develop (and continue to have) a very close relationship with both of my parents. And I look back now and realise that, I would not have become the person I am today without their guidance. I am very grateful for that, especially when I look at many of the children of today who appear to have grown up without rules or discipline, and are so obviously lost, not knowing their place in this world and expecting to have life handed to them on a plate.

Oops, almost got up on my soapbox there. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think to be a great parent you can't just be a friend. You want your child to see you as a person to confide in and learn from, but respect has to come first. If they don't respect you they will never look to you for help when they need it. Does it sound like I am lecturing? I'm not trying to - as a person who doesn't have children I really have no place telling anyone how to raise their children. Do what feels right, go with your instincts and follow your heart, and you'll be more than half way there!!

Ok, I am going to stop now. I definitely said more than I intended to!!
Jan. 1st, 2009 01:05 am (UTC)
This comment came at such a perfect moment in my life. It's like you were reading me somehow.

My daughter, as you know from reading rambles and whatnot, has a chronic condition. It isn't as debilitating or scary as say MS or cancer or Austism. But it's constant and it takes over our lives when it happens.

She's a wonderful, beautiful, fabulous gift and a blessing in our lives, but she's had a sickly first two years. Her file from the doctor's office is literally two inches thick.

I've really been struggling with this "2nd child" decision. I told another friend recently that I just want to land on a choice and feel peace with it. But I haven't yet. I still go from "feeling a baby in my arms, smelling them, seeing who they become, oh, so precious" to "barely keeping my head above water financially, hanging on by my fingernails emotionally, needing me time mentally, wanting time with the hubs, it's not a good time."

That's an over-simplification of the thought process, but I think you get the gist. And then, someone told me that my next baby could be completely healthy, and I shouldn't base my experience with baby girl on future babies. Which, true, but that put me into a whole 'nother tailspin thinking what would I do to that 2nd healthy baby each time I had to focus all my strength and efforts onto baby girl? AND would baby girl resent when 2nd healthy child could go do things she couldn't??

Then I get this from you, and you talk with me about your experiences as an only child and it was like a beam of light filled me from inside out. I even said out loud -- YES, EXACTLY! See? It can be done. I can have just one child and she isn't guaranteed to turn out like a spoiled brat. Look at Stella!! :)

You just really, really encouraged me and I can't thank you enough for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.

In related news, the hubs and I recently talked of getting a puppy. Our Aussie Shepard, Josie, is nearly 8 and while that is basically middle age for a mutt like her, we want to have her "train" the new "baby." And I think having to raise another puppy might be something that will help distract me from the "I need to make a decision now" cycle I'm in. I don't know *when* we'll venture into this... but we're definitely considering it.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and comments on my stories throughout this past year. Getting to know you has been a true blessing. I wish you light in the coming year.

Jan. 2nd, 2009 10:49 pm (UTC)
The Rambles!
Glad I could be of help, After posting, I realised that I had kind of gone off on one, and thought that you maybe thought I was a little crazy getting so carried away!! Luckily, you understood where I was coming from and what I was trying to say.

A puppy!!! My 'boy' was 1 year old on Boxing Day, I can't believe it - and he is now 70lb!! He has, thankfully, settled down a lot although he still has his moments of crazyness, but that is part of what makes him him. Coming home from work is still a bit of a gamble as to whether there will be destruction or not, but he is getting a lot better. He has definitely fulfilled any needs I have to 'mother'!! My husband is already asking when we can have another one - not yet! I would love to have another dog to keep him company, but two puppies in the house would be a bit much. I would like him to settle down a bit more, so that as you are hoping, he will be able to teach the new one the 'rules'!!

Take care,
( 26 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )

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