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“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen…” – Hebrews 11:1

I don’t know about you, but I’m putting an awful lot of faith in Kripke’s maniacal little hands. I gotta tell ya’ll, I’m in this for the long haul. No matter how much it tears me up to watch, I have to know what will happen to these brothers—what will happen to Dean.

And I really, really hope that you will stick with me.

This is longer than usual. Hope that’s okay.

*takes a breath*

Here goes nothin’…

 

 

 

In every good story there is a moment when you, the reader, viewer, observer, aren’t sure if your hero is going to defeat the evil he’s been pitted against. Be that an external evil or an internal evil. It adds a level of drama and tension that makes everything that came before it seem simply preparation and everything after it seem like a reward.

The moment can last for an instant’s hesitation of doubt, or for a lifetime of misguided choices. Take Darth Vader for example. And yes, I’m sorry, but somehow life always seems to slip back to Star Wars for me. Vader spent about 25 years (depending on how old Luke and Leia actually were in Jedi) succumbing to his evil. But in the end, he defeated it. In the end he reclaimed his humanity, became Anakin once more, reunited with his son.

We’re in that moment now, folks.  And both boys are up against evil. And it’s an individual fight—there was no way they could face this moment together. Not after all that has happened this year. Which crushes me and makes me straighten my back bone at the same time. ‘Cause it’s in these moments when our heroes find out what they’re truly made of. It’s the journey through these moments that help to turn them into the person they were truly born to be.

Last random thought before I head into my episode-driven stream (because I’m still reeling a bit)… there is a scene in The Basketball Diaries that I simply couldn’t get out of my head while watching. It’s the moment when, strung out on whatever drug he’d become addicted to, Jim Carroll (played by Leo DiCaprio) is outside his mother’s apartment. She’s locked the door on him and is on the other side, leaning against it. He is sobbing, pleading, begging her to let him in. He just needs a little more. He tells her how much it hurts—physically hurts him—to not have it. Calls her ‘Mommy’ beats on the door, sinks to the floor.

She doesn’t let him in. She is crying silently on the other side of the door, listening to her son beg her to make the pain go away, and she doesn’t let him in. She calls the police instead and they come and drag Jim away to jail while he shouts obscenities and curses back at his mom for denying him shelter and help. Thing is, though, as bloody hard as that was for her to do, she did help him. He went through the most intense, wicked, painful detox of his life in jail, but he came out on the other side clean.

That scene almost destroyed me—even before I became a mother.

This episode pretty much finished the job. Oh, and before I forget? BIG props to Kripke for a well-chosen episode title. Not only an amazingly awesome Zeppelin song, but the lyrics are rather on-target.

If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,
If it keeps on rainin', levee's goin' to break,
When The Levee Breaks I'll have no place to stay.

My take? The Levee? Is their bond. The bond between Sam and Dean. *shrugs*

I liked that we picked up right where we left off from last week. I hope that they do that next week, too—since I had to download it, I wasn’t able to see previews. Sam is looking helplessly around the panic room, still unable to believe that his brother would do this to him. Dean slides the window open and peeks through.

Sam demands to be freed and Dean says not until he dries out.

 “You’re turning this into some kind of DRUG intervention?”

“If it smells like a duck…” (okay, that made me quirk a small smile… someone watches Monty Python)

Sam says he’s not addicted to the blood, that he’s drinking it to get strong enough to kill Lilith—that killing Lilith is what matters. Then his face twists into a sneer and he mocks Dean with a, “Or are you so busy being righteous you forgot about that?”

“You just bought yourself a bench warmer seat for the apocalypse.”

Something I noticed throughout this whole episode—Dean’s voice. It was always a barely controlled…something. It ranged from a slight tremble, to ragged and rough, to full-on tremble. As if beneath the first layer of his skin was such an enormous amount of emotion, a fingernail could scratch it free. I don’t think I took my hand away from my heart the entire episode. He made me hurt.

Dean walks resolutely away from the panic room, a look of complete pain on his face. When Sam bellows, “DEAN! LET ME OUT OF HERE!” you can just about hear Dean’s heart break as his eyes flash up to the camera.

As we dive further into this story I have to say that this episode was truly hard to watch. I’m sure for all of us, for different reasons. Some simply because these boys have gotten under our skin and we quite literally care about what happens to them. Some because we can see parallels (minus the supernatural element) to our own lives or our own situations. Regardless of what it is, to me at this point it doesn’t matter if you’re a “Deangirl” or a “Samgirl” – they are both suffering and they both think they’re doing the right thing and they’re both being influenced from outside forces and they’re both being torn apart.

As they said in War Games the only way to win is not to play. But they’re too far down the rabbit hole to back out now. I just hope… *swallows hard*

ANYWAY, back to the story.

Sam sitting in panic room sweating, blurry vision, dizzy, weak…  He tries to open the door, hands shaking… he sees his breath, the lights flicker…

“Guys! Get down here something’s come—“

Suddenly Alistair is standing there. “Looks like I have you all to myself… how will we pass the time…”

Sam strapped down to the torture table similar to how Dean must have been… Alistair disemboweling him… Sam begging him to please stop… Man, did this hurt to watch! This was not a tingly, pain-is-sexy feeling. Because the next thing you see is Sam just screaming on his bed alone, in pain, and no-one is there… But you know he’s not imagining that pain. You know that pain is real for him.

Dean and Bobby are upstairs drinking stiff shots of whiskey and listening to Sam scream in pain. Dean looks, in a word, tragic. I can’t imagine how that had to have felt. To know that you were knowingly causing your loved one that level of pain. To feel so strongly that you were doing the right thing you don’t go down and stop it. You don’t give in.

I wouldn’t be that strong. My Mo Chuisle cries for merely a minute and I’m off to hold and comfort her. I advise my parents to cut my youngest sister off because she’s siphoning their life’s savings while she slowly kills their spirit with her life choices… yet, I’m not the one that has to close that door. I’m not the one that has to turn my back on my sibling’s need—be it real or imagined.  That is a path I hope with all my heart to never have to travel.

“How long is this going to go on…” Dean asks, with that barely-suppressed tremble.

Bobby says as only Bobby can: “Let me look it up in my Demon detox manual—oh, wait… no one ever wrote one…”

Then he chills me by saying, “No telling how long it will take or if Sam will even live through it.”

Dean turns away and the phone rings. It’s Rufus. Too bad we didn’t get a little “Captain Fuller” face time, but at least we know Rufus is still alive… maybe there’s hope for him to come back in Season 5.

“Suck dirt and die, Rufus. You call me again, I’m gonna kill ya.” (ha! – Made me think about his automatic reply to Dean in Lazarus Rising)

Rufus calls back, though, apparently not fearing Bobby’s wrath as much as he feared what he had to tell Bobby and after listening, Bobby looks scared.

Back to Sam in the panic room and he’s coming back to himself, panting, shaking, and realizing that nothing was happening to him (physically). As he sits up and looks around, he first hears and then sees… himself. At 13 or 14. It’s the same YoungSam from After School Special and Supernatural Christmas… only his hair is darker. Not sure what’s up with that. YoungSam says that yes, he’s hallucinating and confirms that yes, Sam is definitely losing his mind. Cocky little guy, Sam was.

Sam demands to know what YoungSam wants.

“An explanation. I thought we were going to be normal.”

“I tried. I did. It didn’t pan out that way. Sorry kid.”

During his conversation with… himself… Sam mentions Jessica for the first time in what literally feels like years. To be honest, I wondered if she still had anything to do with his all-encompassing drive to kill Lilith. I thought it was out of revenge for sending Dean to Hell—I mean, that’s why he started going after her in the first place. He couldn’t save Dean, couldn’t rescue him, couldn’t deal for him… so he decided to hunt for Lilith. And that obsession took over everything else. So, I was surprised and kinda pleased that he mentioned Jessica.

Then YoungSam had apply the thumb screws by saying that she died because Sam left with Dean and if he’d been there, he would have been able to protect her. Which, I don’t believe—I think Sam would have been taken by Azaezel and Jess would still have died, but when you have guilt it eats at you and twists and turns things inside of you until they are black and vicious.

Sam gets a little hard on himself saying the life doesn’t turn out the way you want it to when you’re 14. Grow up. Sam’s starting to look rough around the edges. Sweating, pale, barely able to control the shakes. YoungSam is like, maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s no escape. After all, how can you run from what’s inside you. And then his eyes turn yellow.

Yellow, huh? Not black. Hmmm… maybe because Azaezal was the first to give him demon blood? Yellow is probably a different level of hierarchy in the demon org chart.

Back upstairs with Bobby and Dean, Bobby is handing Dean a paper and revealing what Rufus told him on the phone. Apparently, seals are breaking fast and Bobby wonders where the hell Dean’s angel pals are. And here’s where I got a little frustrated with Bobby. I saw his reasoning, I did. And I didn’t disagree with him, either. But, man, Dean needs SOMEONE on his side. Not just “Heaven” and all of its mysterious ways. Someone he can reach out to, hold on to. Someone to back him up.

Anyway, Bobby wonders if now is the best time to be drying out Sam since he can kill demons – the apocalypse being “nigh” and all.

Dean growls, “Sacrifice Sam’s life, his soul for the greater good??” His voice does that tremble thing again and I found myself in awe, once again, of Jensen.  I mean, he was so on edge this whole episode, but a restrained on edge. Sam was in a balls-to-the-walls full-on freak-out, which was impressive in its own right. But Dean’s quiet shimmer of desperation just dug a furrow in my heart.

Bobby’s argument back to Dean’s denial is that maybe Sam’s here right now instead of on the battle field because we love him too much. *gut punch*

Back to Sam and he’s panting and sweating and pale and blurry-eyed and seeing water but hurts too much to get up and go over there. *whimper* I don’t want it to sound like I didn’t feel for him—I did. He was so obviously in so much pain and he was so confused and broken and I just wanted to make it stop for him. But the bad part was… he chose to do the thing that landed him here. And I don’t know what to do with that. I never have.

No matter whom it is making that choice.

Next ghost/vision to visit Sam is Mary, in her white nightgown, stained with blood across the belly. Here’s where I couldn’t tell if we were seeing Sam’s imagination or if there really was something demonic at work there—something about the blood in him causing manipulative visions and not just his own conscious at work. Mary, looking amazingly unchanged (which, seriously? Is amazing. I mean, look at how much the boys have changed over the last 4 years. Mary looks exactly the same—with the possible exception of some hair issues).

Her eyes soften and she kinda shakes her head with a, “ Sam. You look just awful.”

“Let’s hear it. Go ahead. You’re disappointed, you never thought I’d turn out this way, I’m a piss-poor excuse for a son, your heart is broken.”

Mary says he’s not close, says that he’s doing the right thing – that he’s brave and that he’s being practical. Says she’s proud of him. Says Dean doesn’t understand. I just had to swallow as I watched because I really, really didn’t know what to do with this scene. I mean, I get that it was a way for Sam to justify the choice he was making to drink demon blood and a way to build him up as the one to stop the apocalypse, but it just didn’t feel like something Mary would say—especially the part about Dean being weak—but then again, that would make sense if Sam were working this on himself.

Mary sits down and says she was raised a hunter and they she knows there are going to be hard choices—yes, their family is cursed… tells him that Sam has the power to turn it against them for justice. She touches his face, strokes back his hair, just as a mother would do. And he leans into her hand just as Dean did in WIAWSNB. I just ached for him, never having known her, having only seen her in pictures or as a spirit. I know he so wanted to believe her and wanted her to tell him that he was okay, everything is okay.

“What’s in me?”

It’s evil and he knows it.

“What if it’s stronger than me?”

Mary says that Dean can never know how strong Sam is because he is weak. He’s terrified. He’s in over his head. I can’t help it. My hackles rose at that. The angels haven’t said that Dean is strong enough—just that he is destined to stop what he started. I want someone to remember all that Dean has carried, all he has survived, all he’s sacrificed for the sake of his family. If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is.

“You have to kill Lilith.”

“Even if it kills me?”

Mary tells him to make her death mean something. “I’m counting on you. Don’t let anyone or anything get in your way. Not even Dean.” And right then I knew that this could only end in tears. Ours.

She holds him, kisses him, and Sam looks broken. Just destroyed, weighted down. He looks around and he’s alone again.

We’re out in Bobby’s lot with broken cars. Dean is outside looking desperate. Cas shows up. Dean says he’s been screaming himself hoarse for two hours and man, does his voice sound like it. He sounds almost as bad as he did after Alistair nearly killed him. And that just… yeah, I don’t know what Jensen did to prepare for these final two episodes, but he rocked this one.

Dean wants to know what Cas was going to tell him in IL. Cas says that it’s not of import. “You got ass-reamed in heaven, but it was not of import?” Cas says he CAN’T tell Dean what he was going to say.

Dean wants to know if Sam can do it – kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse.

Cas says possibly. He’d have to take certain steps – consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change Sam forever – he’d become the next creature that Dean would feel compelled to kill. And fangirl hearts break wide open all over the world. Because we just knew Kripke was going to do this to us. I have thoughts about this, but I’ll save them until the end so I don’t forget the rest of the story as I’m writing this literally at Mach 10.

Cas says that Heaven believes it’s Dean not Sam that will stop the end of the world as we know it. The only question is whether Dean is willing to stand up and accept his role as the one who will stop it. Dean’s face is a story of regret and fear, hope and sorrow, pain and loss. His jaw tightens and his eyes bore into Cas.

“If I do this, Sammy doesn’t have to?”

“If it gives you comfort to see it that way.”

“You’re a dick these days.”

Dean steps away, takes a deep breath, says he’s in.

“You give yourself over WHOLLY to the service of God and his Angels?”

Dean looks pained once more. “Yeah, exactly.”

Cas makes him say it. Dean’s it at the end of his rope with this Heavenly Red Tape. He spits the words back out to Cas.

Cas makes him swear to follow God’s will as swiftly and obediently as he did his own father’s. At this Dean’s eyes go flat and he lifts his head a bit. You can see “you son of a bitch” written on his face. But you know, that’s kinda what God asks all of us to do. Just not in such a direct manner. Still, it’s the same. And that’s one trust fall that I don’t know if I have ever—maybe could ever—give myself over to.

So, now Dean waits and the angels call on him when it’s time. Back in the panic room, Sam is sitting against the wall, twitching. His veins start going read like his skin is splitting. He calls for help and Dean is upstairs listening, his heart visually breaking. It looks like he can feel every bit of the pain Sam is going through. And this next scene… man this curled up a lump in my throat more than the end even. Or maybe by the end I was just used to it.

Bobby scoffs at the news Dean apparently just shared with him. “You willing signed up to be the angels’ bitch? Sorry, you prefer sucker?”

Bobby wonders why Dean trusts the angels all of a sudden.

Dean’s like, Give me credit – I never trusted them less. What other option does he have? It’s either trust the angels or let Sammy trust a demon.

Dean hears the quiet and he and Bobby run down to the panic room and look in. Sam is writhing on the floor. Dean wonders if he’s faking, thinking (rightly so) that Sam would do anything. Suddenly, Sam is slammed against a wall and Bobby’s all “that ain’t faking.”

Dean and Bobby head in there while Sam is thrown against another wall. They grab Sam and hold him down. Bobby puts his belt in Sam’s mouth and Sam is seizing and choking and gasping for air. Dean’s just staring at him, scared and horrified and worried beyond all comprehension. I’ve seen one of my sibs in that state. Luckily I didn’t have to be the one to hold them down, but I remember wanting to wrap my arms around myself because I could swear I was about to break apart.

Bobby says that they have to tie Sam down for his own safety and has to yell Dean’s name to get his attention. Dean’s like, whatever, just get it over with. He’s so strung out about what Sam’s going through that he’s trembling. Sam wakes up and is handcuffed to the bed. Dean’s standing there saying they had to – the demon blood was flinging him all over the room.

“Why did you do this to yourself?”

“You know why.”

“Why? Revenge? For what? For sending me to hell? What’s the Point?”

AND turns out Dean isn’t there…  I didn’t see that coming. But now I see it was the worst of all visions that Sam had. The one that literally sends him over the edge. If there was any hope of detoxing him or convincing him this was not the way, it was lost the moment ImaginationDean took over in Sam’s head.

RealDean is upstairs and worried. Bobby asks one more time if they’re doing the right thing. Dean says the demon blood is killing Sam. And Bobby says, no, it isn’t. WE are.

Dean looks horrified.

“This cold-turkey thing isn’t working – if he doesn’t get what he needs, soon, Sam’s not gonna last much longer.”

Dean refuses to give him demon blood. If he dies, then at least he dies human.

ImaginationDean is in the panic room is taunting Sam – blood makes him feel strong. Your whole life you’ve felt different. Dean says you were always a monster and you only feel right when you’re sucking down more poison, more evil.

Meanwhile, RealDean is upstairs dancing a jig on my wounded heart. “I would die for him in a second, but I won’t let him do this to himself. I guess I found my line. I won’t let my brother turn into a monster.”

Oh. My. God. People, that’s the brother that we know. That’s the guy that went to Hell because he couldn’t let Sam die. That’s the kid that shrugged off anything other than what his dad dictated and his brother needed. Because he loves him. More than life. He would do anything to save Sam.

ImaginationDean is repeating the word “Monster” over and over and Sam’s like “Dean, no.”

It’s weird what we do to ourselves – what we imagine others think of us because of what WE think of us. Our own self image is projected across so much of what we don’t know. While real Dean is sacrificing himself once more for his brother, turning him inside out to save Sam, Sam thinks that Dean loathes him. And it’s so, so ugly how all of this culminates at the end. Ugly and unavoidable.

ImaginationDean goes on – I tried so hard to PRETEND that we were brothers, that you weren’t one of the filthy things we hunt. You’re nothing to me.

Sam – begging, panting – says in a broken, little-boy voice, “Don’t say that to me, don’t you say that to me.” I was immediately back to Season 1 with Sam’s “Don’t you say that, not you!” And Dean confessing that John and Sam were all he had. *gulp*

Sam looks around and Dean’s not there. God, I hope he realized that was all in his head. Sam falls asleep/passes out. When he wakes up and looks around, his shackles break open. He’s like WTF?? The door opens and he sits up carefully, calling out, unsure if it’s real or in his head.

He stumbles out and to the stairs, climbing them shakily. Cas has released him.  WHAT. THE. HELL?? Okay, so trying to find reason to this, I go to a couple places, since Cas tells Anna in the next scene that he was ordered to let Sam out. So, did the angels need Sam out so that he would fight Dean and basically remove any ties Dean has to here and now, even though he did give himself over wholly? Or… was it that if Dean failed the needed a plan B? I don’t get it. And I fear that we won’t get it this season. Which… grrrr.

When Anna shows up to Cas, she says that Dean was trying to SAVE Sam and that it was so much worse than they thought. Cas is really calm, but he looks sad. As if he regrets having puppet strings. Cas says, you really shouldn’t have come. Two angels show up, take Anna by the arms, and then a bright light and Cas turns away. So, apparently, Anna is back in Heaven? And by the look on Cas’ face, I’m thinking that’s not such a good thing for a former fallen angel.

Sam is trying to break into a car, but Bobby stops him with a shotgun. Sam looks AWFUL. I mean worse than we’ve ever seen him. Strung out doesn’t begin to describe it. And just like before, it wasn’t a blood-is-sexy look. It was an oh, God, what have you done to yourself.

“You won’t shoot me Bobby.”

“Don’t test me.”

“You won’t do it.”

Bobby puts the gun in Sam’s gut.

“You can’t do it.”

“We’re trying to help you, Sam.” Bobby is crying. I’m crying. Can you imagine what that had to feel like? To point a gun at a ‘kid’ you love as if he were your own? To know that he wasn’t possessed, either. This was Sam.

Sam moves the barrel of the gun to his heart. “Then shoot.” He’s crying. And I had to cover my mouth. Bobby can’t do it. So Sam grabs the gun and knocks Bobby cold, his face crumpling, then throws the gun down on top of Bobby. He hotwires a car and drives off leaving Bobby in the dirt.

Bobby and Dean open up the panic room to try to figure out how Sam got out. Room full of busted devil’s traps. They guess Ruby.

“How he got gone ain’t as important as where he got gone to.” Uhhh, that is nicely put, Bobby.

Dean hopes he’s with Ruby because killing her is the next big item on his to do list.

“I thought you were on-call for Angel duty.”

“I am, in my car on my way to kill the bitch.”

Bobby points out that Sam doesn’t want to be found, so he’s going to be damn-near impossible to find. Dean replies with a grim, well, we’ll see… and you KNOW he knows how to find his brother. He found him in no time flat after being in Hell, so… yeah. Bobby. Have faith, man.

Next thing we see is a NICE motel room, Sam sitting on a couch, twitching, shaking, pale, looking desperate. Knock at the door and it’s Ruby. Apparently he booked the Honeymoon suite. He knows Dean knows his habits, his alias, what he would do next, so he had to do what he wouldn’t do. If that makes sense.

Anyway, there’s some chit-chat along the lines of Ruby looking VERY happy to see Sam and saying she’s glad he was there, Sam asking her where the hell had SHE been, she says she’s sorry that Sam is hurting and she had no idea Dean would do that to him.

 “You and me, both.”

Really? I mean… really? They had no idea that upon finding out that his brother was addicted to something that was killing him (slowly, maybe, not physically, maybe, but it was destroying the Sam That Was), Dean would grab Sam up and lock him away where (hopefully) no one would hurt him and he could get Sam back to square one, control the situation, get him better? They had NO IDEA that Dean would do that?

Apparently Sam doesn’t know his brother very well, then. Because he did exactly what I thought he’d do. What I would have done.

 “You’re not sad that things have gotten this bad between you two?” Ruby asks… and almost sounds like she means it. Sam throws her on the bed, strokes her, pulls out a knife, cuts her arm and she smiles, then he dives on. *shudder*

Dean is doing something to the engine of the Impala – couldn’t see clearly. Bobby comes out and says they found Bobby’s car abandoned in Jamestown. Dean knows he’s changing up and asks if there were stolen cars in that area. Bobby’s like a Honda Civic that would blend and an Escalade that would stand out. Dean knows that Sam took the escalade and not the civic—knowing exactly what his brother would do even when he’s not doing what he would do. That sounded better in my head.

Ruby and Sam are in bed—somewhat dressed, but under the covers, so I’m assuming they enjoyed more than some blood suckage. Ruby says that Sam’s appetite is getting bigger. Sam straightens up with a “what’s that supposed to mean?”

She says he’s getting stronger, that’s all. Means he’s strong enough to kill Lilith. It’s looking more and more that they’re getting closer to the final seal and apparently only “Lucifer’s First” can break that seal. Apparently, Lucifer turned a human soul into the very first demon as a “screw you” to God – which is what got him locked up in the first place. And this is where I got very, very cold.

Sam is amazed that Lilith is the first demon. I know it would make sense for him to jump right to Lilith, but… I think they’re going to do something else. I am afraid… very, very afraid, that Lucifer’s First has something directly to do with Sam. Ugh… this is going to be a hard week to wait through.

Ruby says that she has a lead on someone who is part of Lilith’s entourage. She provides Lilith with babies to eat. ACK. Sam’s showered and changed and Ruby says he needs more than she can give him if he’s going to be strong enough to kill Lilith. Sam is sad, wishing Dean could just trusted him. He just hopes when all this is over that he and Dean can fix things.

You and me both, kid. Because I can see why Sam believes that his way is the right way and how freakin’ frustrated he must be to always have to do it DEAN’S way when he thinks that he got along okay (despite the soul-sucking grief) when Dean was in Hell. He just doesn’t see why the simple fact that he’s trusting a demon, that he’s mainlining demon blood to give him super powers, is not the best way to go. And he’s hurt that Dean refuses to even hear him out. I mean, I can see that in his eyes… but I still can’t cross that line. Sam’s just wrong in how he’s approaching this. And he’s breaking Dean’s heart… and therefore mine.

Bobby says the Escalade is about two hours away from Dean. He needlessly reminds Dean that finding Sam is about getting him back, not pushing him away. “Be good to him, you’ve got to get through to him.” Thanks Bobby. Because he needed just a teensy bit more pressure to push him forward. *sighs*

Sam leaves room hotel room just as Dean steps off the elevator and finds Ruby. He attacks with the knife and is fighting her, but Sam steps in and stops him.

“Just take it easy.”

Sam says he’s glad Dean’s here, let’s talk about this.

“Soon as she’s dead, we can talk all you want.”

Sam sends Ruby away and Dean is ANGRY – “Look at what she did to you! She leaves you for weeks at a time, strung out!”

“She was looking for Lilith!”

“That’s French for manipulating your ass 10 ways from Sunday.”

Dean is desperate – says Sam’s lying to himself. “I just want you to be okay. You would do the same for me. You know you would.”

Oh, God, boys. Seriously. We’ve come such a long way together. It’s been such a long, winding, painful road. And I know there’s no other way this could go. I know your paths have led you here and it’s make or break time, but after everything, after all that hell… I weep for you in these next moments.

“Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon that’s close to Lilith, come with me, Dean. We can do this together.”

Dean says that’s okay – as long as it’s just the two of them. Ruby is a deal-breaker. His face is so tense, his eyes so hot that I stopped breathing. I want that. Not him. Well, yes, him, but I want them just to be brothers again – tell the demons and the angels to stick it and go together, side by side, into the fray and take care of this TOGETHER once and for all.

But Sam can’t – he needs Ruby to help him kill Lilith. Maybe one day, Dean’ll understand. Sam says he’s the only one who could do this. Dean says no he’s not. Sam’s like right, I forgot – the angels think it’s you. He doesn’t think Dean can do it. He doesn’t think Dean’s strong enough. To which Dean’s like “yeah, so what?”

Sam says he’s doing what needs to be done. “Stop bossing me around! My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I am asking you for once TRUST ME.”

*breath held*

Dean looks grim and says no.  Sam doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Sam says he does know. And you can see where this is heading. They’ve foreshadowed the hell out of it. But I still wanted to put my hand over Dean’s mouth. I wanted to push Sam away. I wanted to step between them and shove my arms out and cry, “ENOUGH!”

Dean’s like, “That’s worse because it’s not something that you’re doing, it’s what you are.”

*heart pounding*

Dean chokes out, “It means…”

Sam, with tears in his eyes, turning him into a gigantic kid, says, “What? Say it.”

Dean is hardly breathing. His chin trembles along with his voice as he says, “It means you’re a monster.”

Dean is crying in his pure Dean way. Both eyes filled, one tear falls. Sam turns away and Dean’s lips quiver once more.

And then Sam BELTS him a good one and Dean goes flying. Sam is breathing hard as Dean gets up and Sam looks… evil, snarling almost as Dean takes quiet measure of his brother and then pounds his fist into his face. The fight is ON.

They are beating the bloody hell out of each other. It’s not controlled or choreographed. It’s not a more serious version of sparing practice. It’s desperate and it’s vicious and it’s raw and it’s painful. They are like to animals looking to tear each other up. Sam throws Dean and Dean breaks a mirror with his face, then Sam throws him through a table and Dean’s struggling to stay conscious.

THEN Sam starts choking him until Dean’s almost out and then breaks away. I didn’t see that coming. That was deliberate and harsh and just… well , scary.

“You don’t know me. You never did. And you never will,” Sam spits out as he releases his brother’s neck. His eyes are… flinty. It’s almost like we’re not looking at Sam anymore.

In a shattered voice, rough from being choked and ragged from panting breath, Dean repeats his father’s fateful words. “You walk out that door, don’t you ever come back.” All I can think with that, though, is that while Sam didn’t actually “come back,” he still reunited with John. And they connected. Those words actually, oddly, gave me a weird sense of hope.

Dean is broken, bleeding, on the floor, and Sam looks at him, a swift wing of regret ghosting his face, and then walks out. Dean can’t get up. He tries, but he’s hurting from the inside out and he simply rolls to his back and breaths roughly. Just before the screen goes black, I thought I heard a sob. Coulda been mine.

I know we have one more, but crimeny, people, I’m wrung out! I don’t know what they’re going to do with them next week—except that Dean has offered himself over to the angels and Sam will drink enough demon blood to change him into something he’s not.

The thoughts that skidded along my conscious about the brother’s ending this season at odds, though, is that it could make Season 5 rather epic. Unless The Powers That Be turn the boys into something other than human (which, I’ll still watch, because, let’s face it, I’d watch Jensen read the phone book, but I would MOURN the loss of my rough-around-the-edges hero), it could be a tense beginning with Dean searching for his brother, trying whatever means necessary to bring his Sam back. Get his brother back.

And I can only imagine the angst and tears if and when they are reunited. As they should be. As Kripke needs to make them be.

I have faith. I do. Faith that Kripke will fix this. Fix us.

Until next time… oh, and I’m saving the links just because it is tornado season after all and what happened yesterday could easily happen again.

Slainte, my friends.

Comments

( 53 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )
thruterryseyes
May. 8th, 2009 09:58 pm (UTC)
You always get so much more out of these than i do.
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC)
Nah, I just ramble more than you is all.

Thanks for reading, my friend!
tuya_moon
May. 8th, 2009 09:59 pm (UTC)
Wow. Last episode I was struck by Mischa's stark contrast in portraying Castiel and Jimmy; last night Jensen and Jared wowed me with theirs.

All I can say is that I am so very torn after watching this episode. Normally I leave their episodes feeling bittersweet, but resolved especially after the reveal of the week. This time there was no sweet, no resolve, just a bitter pill to swallow. I liked this episode but it wasn't my favorite, maybe because it is too much like real life. In real life, you don't always resolve issues, don't get to confront or mend broken relationships, or get the happy ending (not that Supernatural is all happy endings in the slightest), but I couldn't help but wonder how in the world they were going to wrap up the season, Dean and Sam's relationship, much less the Apocalypse in just one more episode and yet still have it satisfying. I feel for both Sam and Dean. I'm pragmatic and I've realized that life can be messy and doesn't always wrap up in a neat box. But I sympathize with Dean because there's been areas in my life that I've looked back and seen so clearly where I've compromised and started on the path that ended up not exactly where I've wanted it to be. How far will you go to accomplish your objective even if it means sacrificing pieces of yourself along the way? It's bittersweet sacrifice of innocence to survive. I'm mean, they are so stuck and time is running out. Do you become the monster (or let someone else become the monster) to kill the monster? Geez, I'm so glad I don't have to make that choice. And I've been racking my brain all season on how Dean is supposed to stop the Apocalypse. Normally I can think of some pretty creative plot twist, but I think final and school have taken the last bit of brain-power, I'll just have to wait til the finale for my socks to be blown off.
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:14 pm (UTC)
But I sympathize with Dean because there's been areas in my life that I've looked back and seen so clearly where I've compromised and started on the path that ended up not exactly where I've wanted it to be. How far will you go to accomplish your objective even if it means sacrificing pieces of yourself along the way? It's bittersweet sacrifice of innocence to survive.

This was amazingly beautiful. It is exactly what I wanted to say if I were thinking more clear-headed when I ramble. Thank you for this.

Normally I can think of some pretty creative plot twist, but I think final and school have taken the last bit of brain-power, I'll just have to wait til the finale for my socks to be blown off.

Yeah, I agree. I think the finale is going to leave us wrung out and shaking and make for an extremely long summer, but that's Kripke's wicked genius at work. Always leave you wanting more...

Thanks so much for reading and leaving your thoughts behind.
jazzyirish
May. 8th, 2009 10:04 pm (UTC)
God (or Kripke) Help Us All!
Gaelic, fabulous ramble. I don't know how you got such coherent thoughts together so quickly. I've been reeling since last night. These boys have broken my heart into itsy-bitsy pieces. I cried at the end; simply sat on the couch and cried for the loss I had just witnessed. So agree that the "levee" is the brothers' bond. And the bond is broken. :(

I can't tell you how disappointed I was that Dean didn't kill Ruby - there's still hope for next week. What that bitch has done to Sam, how she's played him since their first meeting at the beginning of last season - stringing him along with false promises, hopes and playing into his guilt and grief. God, if anyone deserves to be killed, it's Ruby!

Jensen's acting always blows me away, but his expressions last night simply crushed me. When Sam was choking Dean, he hardly fought back - it was like he truly was "done" - that he couldn't take one more straw. And I'm with you - the look on Dean's face at the top of the stairs in Bobby's house while Sam was screaming from the locked room - WOW. (On a side note, it's interesting that you mentioned DiCaprio - I believe that Jensen is very much like him acting-wise)

Jared did a top-notch job playing Sam in all his craziness this week. Sam's hallucinations revealed so much of his inner thoughts - and boy, is his mind a scary place. I'm having a hard time balancing what I believe to be Sam's short-comings and his demon-blood induced delusions. Does Sam really dislike Dean as much as he showed us? Is he that jealous of the angels' choice of Dean to stop the apocalypse that he thinks that they are all wrong and only HE can? Does he believe that his brother is that weak? Like I said, I don't know how much the REAL Sam believes, if any.

But I have to tell you, I couldn't believe it when Dean said that if Sam died in detox, at least he'd die human. How did our Dean ever come to think that? Was his father's warning about Sam swimming around in his head, and he thought at least HE wouldn't have to kill Sam? Oh boys!

I have no idea what's in store for us next week, but I already know we're not going to like it. I'm with you all the way on the "keeping the boys human" bandwagon. There is no way I want to see another Cas floating around. :( Who knows what evil lurks in Kripke's mind?

So sorry about your enthusiastic meteorologists - ours are the same way. Here's hoping for calm weather next week. It's going to be a long week and I guess, an even longer summer! :(

Catch ya' later,
Irish
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:28 pm (UTC)
Re: God (or Kripke) Help Us All!
YAY! Irish! *glomps you*

So happy to see you and these fabulous thoughts of yours.

God, if anyone deserves to be killed, it's Ruby!

Word. I am so angry with her -- with Sam for letting her have such a hold over him. And I have a hard time believing that she has purely good intentions. I mean, so she helps stop the apocolypse, then what? She's a DEMON. It's not like she and Sam were going to have a white picket fence and some youngin's running around. I mean, what is she doing, really?

Does Sam really dislike Dean as much as he showed us? Is he that jealous of the angels' choice of Dean to stop the apocalypse that he thinks that they are all wrong and only HE can? Does he believe that his brother is that weak? Like I said, I don't know how much the REAL Sam believes, if any.

Yeah, I wondered the same thing -- and I just don't know. That's the one thing that worries me about them actually fixing the broken levee.

But I have to tell you, I couldn't believe it when Dean said that if Sam died in detox, at least he'd die human. How did our Dean ever come to think that?

My take is that he said that out of desperation. Not that he really wanted Sam to die, but that he had to convince Bobby how serious he was. I hope.

I have no idea what's in store for us next week, but I already know we're not going to like it.

Yeah. That's exactly what I'm afraid of. But all that means is that I'll be wishing the summer away... *sigh*

See you next week?
qultng1
May. 8th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)
Ooooo, what happened yesterday? Satellite go out? Gah! I worried for here, too, but it didn't start until after the show. We get stuff after you do. Whew! Do you have links for such a tragedy? I could use them if you don't mind sharing. :D

And YES to everything. I'm not sure about Sam becoming what is feared due to what I've heard/read about next week's ep, but it might not matter. Lots of damage was done to their relationship last night and it's going to take a while to fix.

I haven't had the courage to rewatch, yet, but it's coming. So not the kind of thing to watch just one time!
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Well, the satellite didn't go out, but the weather people got all "OMG its a tornado" and spent like 90 mins tracking it. Right overtop our boys.

What were they thinking?!

Lots of damage was done to their relationship last night and it's going to take a while to fix.

Yes, that's so true. And I think that's what Kripke is banking on Season 5 playing out. At least... I really hope so...

Thank you for reading and commenting!!
jesters_tear82
May. 8th, 2009 10:28 pm (UTC)
the hardships of being a fangirl
don't know what's the time in Kansas but where I am
it's almost 1 am, I should be dreaming of adventures & boys
but found your post (yep - been waiting for The Ramble)
and now all is lost.. ;-) that is my plans for an early wakeup tomorrow.

once again I'm at awe, you never cease to amaze me with
your unique perspective, drawing from your life experience.
also enjoying your use of quotes (I collect them whenever i stumble upon one that touches my heart..)
it's an amazing rollercoaster ride we're on with this show,
this eppy had so many raw moments and pain, but through it all hope
shines because the brothers did not give up on each other, not really.
everything they do is out of love, even if it is misguided -
Sam is still hoping to reunite with Dean and our boy (we can share,
right? hehe) wants to save Sam and keep his promise to him, even
if it means losing him - which we know will hurt him more than hell ever did.
by the way, such great acting from all the cast and could Jensen's eyes get
any bigger? makes me want to jump into the screen and give him a hug!
actually today I wanted to comfort them both.. each is right and wrong
and I can sympathize with both points of view.

I share your Faith that we and the guys can & will be fixed!
it's so easy to forget it's just a show.. it affects me in ways no other ever
did with it's story of family, like you said - finding similarities to our own
lives and letting it reach my soul and grab me. like today, should have been
working on a paper on the Middle-Ages for school and somehow got to reading articles about our show, some really academic good ones too! that's it,
i'm going to have to ignore them until next Thursday.. if that's possible ;-()

is it 1:20 already?? that's it, sleepy time for me!
wishing you a fantastic weekend..
p.s. you made me cry a little, not joking here! watching the "Levee"
made utter some not so nice words at TPTB but the tears came just now..
so thank you.
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:37 pm (UTC)
Re: the hardships of being a fangirl
Okay, I am TERRIBLE when it comes to time conversion, but when you posted this comment, it was 5:30 pm in Kansas. :) I would say I'm sorry I kept you up, but... I'm mostly just glad to get your comments.

Thank you so much for soming by and leaving your thoughts. I love to hear them.

actually today I wanted to comfort them both.. each is right and wrong
and I can sympathize with both points of view


I know exactly what you mean.

And yes... we can share Dean. *wink*
Re: the hardships of being a fangirl - jesters_tear82 - May. 9th, 2009 09:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
May. 8th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
I don't usually post a comment... but I do always read your very insightful and thought provoking episode reveiws. But this episode was just... wow.

I mourned the loss of the brotherly bond and was actually so shocked that my eyes widened when Sam began choking Dean. You're right. The whole episode was so painful to watch and yet I couldn't take my eyes away.

I just remember Dean's torn face at the end and how he was now truly and utterly alone. And how it looked so painful for him to even say the word monster out loud.

But I hope that Sam meant what he said about being able to fix things after all this is over. And me and my hopeful self (and I doubt Kripke is even THIS generous) pray that they'll be at each other's backs at least before the credits cut us off for the whole summer.

*sighs*

Thanks so much for every one of your perceptive comments. :D

--Pinkchick
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:39 pm (UTC)
Hey there! It's so good to see you -- thanks for letting me know you read these. It's really encouraging to know that. :)

I just remember Dean's torn face at the end and how he was now truly and utterly alone. And how it looked so painful for him to even say the word monster out loud...

God, I know. That was so, so hard to watch.

But I hope that Sam meant what he said about being able to fix things after all this is over.

Ditto to that. I'm keeping everything crossed for that.

Thanks again for leaving you thoughts!!

Gaelic
(Deleted comment)
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
Hi!! How fun to hear from you here. I check out SFO often to see if anyone is reading, but this is a rare gift -- thank you for coming by.

Hope is good. Hope is something. Hang on to that, my friend!

Gaelic
deangirl1
May. 9th, 2009 12:15 am (UTC)
Ok... Let me dive right in, cuz man, I've got a lot of thinky thoughts about this one... The torture scene with Alastair was a direct replica of the torture scene with Ruby in H&H - right down to where he cut. Which tells me that Ruby was fulsome in her sharing of horrendous details where Dean was not. Dean spared his brother any sense of what he went through really -- and maybe that was wrong. Maybe Dean would have gotten a little more sympathy had he fully described how he was tortured for 30 years -- longer than Sam's been alive.
I'm convinced that Mary's speech is a complete fabrication in Sam's mind. He has no basis for putting those words in his mouth except his own beliefs -- he's never known her.
Young Sam was a bit odd to me too. I don't know why they felt he needed such dark hair -- other than it made him disturbing to look at... BUT the most important element was the EYES. The blood that is in Sam that IS what Sam IS would turn his eyes yellow. The blood that he is ingesting always turns his eyes BLACK. Dean in YF thought Sam's eyes went yellow. You are going to love this theory because I'm going to save them both for you here.... Sam is not a monster because what he is doing is the blood. It is NOT who he is -- he's never unleashed the yellow eyes -- THAT would make him a monster. So, my point and Dean's distinction is that what you do doesn't make you a monster -- it has to be what you are -- and Sam is not nor has he ever been -- THAT monster! *thank you, takes a bow* -- I hope that made sense?
I found all kinds of parallels to Devil's Trap in this -- it revisits so many of the same themes... I just happened to re-watch DT just before this...(literally 8-9...).
I too got chills when Ruby was describing turning a human to a demon -- I'm like -- wait!!! that's Sam!!!!! So yeah -- I'm thinking this is all working to the end game because Kripke (regardless of what others say) is very generous with his bread crumbs -- they are all there for a reason.
Finally, I am with you. Jensen broke my heart in this. Dean broke my heart. So, so ironic everytime Sam says Dean doesn't know him when in fact it is Sam that does not know Dean -- that has under estimated and under valued him at every turn. Who has mistaken his love for wanting control. In DT, when they first set out after John, Sam tells Dean that can't just take off half-cocked and Dean completely and instantly abandons his own plan in favour of Sam's.... ironic....
As much as this killed me, I do think it was still necessary. Because Sam is right in one sense. Dean has come to see Sam as a man in his own right, but does still try too hard to protect him -- again with the irony -- they are both their greatest strenghts and their greatest weakness. Dean needs to come out from the shadow of servitude to John and Sam to find himself -- sadly he has already bound himself to another master -- but it may be that this master is more appreciative and will keep a looser rein on him...
Sam needs to fall and fall hard to get over his pride and he needs to see his brother for who he really is. I don't hate Sam -- I think he has been manipulated by a master -- one who has played on all his weaknesses...
Ok... rant over... sorry for being so long winded... Um -- quick question - -do you acutally LIVE in Lawrence?? I mean that would be the epitome of ironic....
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:03 pm (UTC)
YAY!! I'm so loving this post. AND the amount of thinky thoughts you shared. THANK YOU.

First, yeah, I live in Lawrence. That was actually what caught me with the show. I didn't know anything about it, had never seen Jared in anything, and had only seen Jensen in Smallville (which they ruined). I was flipping stations one night (SPN was on Tuesdays back then) and saw "Lawrence, KS, 22 years ago."

I was caught and it never let go. :) If you're anywhere near Lawrence, FYI, there's a fancon in August here in town. It would be LOVELY to see people.

ANYWAY...

Maybe Dean would have gotten a little more sympathy had he fully described how he was tortured for 30 years -- longer than Sam's been alive.

I never thought about that -- both about Dean getting more sympathy with details and that he'd been in hell longer than Sam had been alive. Nice point, that.

I'm convinced that Mary's speech is a complete fabrication in Sam's mind.

I think you must be right. I mean, seriously, would Mary have really pitted her sons against each other like that? No way.

So, so ironic everytime Sam says Dean doesn't know him when in fact it is Sam that does not know Dean -- that has under estimated and under valued him at every turn.

I know, right? I mean, everyone says "I can't believe Dean would do that to Sam" and I'm like... what about what SAM is doing to DEAN?! I mean... come ON!!

needs to come out from the shadow of servitude to John and Sam to find himself -- sadly he has already bound himself to another master -- but it may be that this master is more appreciative and will keep a looser rein on him

Dean finding himself... free to BE himself... what a wonderful Dean that could be...

Thank you again.

See you next week?
(Anonymous)
May. 9th, 2009 01:38 am (UTC)
Trust
Hey gaelic,

I HAD to read your take on this. It's too big to shoulder alone. I ask that you go to the crossroads itenras. site and read my post I'm behind the couch again.

I wish I had your trust in Kripke. I don't. I fear he's at a point in this project of his that he wants to make a statement. And from a peek into what he considers important (like making Dean a looser in WIAWSNB and choosing to veer off into this appocolypse theme instead of sticking with the urban myths and many other options for supernatural beasties they could have been fighting- I just don't know if I can trust him with...Dean. There (smirking at self) I said it. Like you I view the show with a bias of "and how will this effect Dean?" (LOL)

Don't get me wrong I love that Sam is finally begining to get some juicier stuff to work with, expand his character. But wouldn't if have been great if once an a while they let Jared do a voice over? Just a paragraph or two of Sam's inner voice thinking about what he feels about that or this or stuff?

Or Dean, hell yeah! I know the part of me that talks out loud is just the tip of the iceberg to all the inner contemplating and weighing of options. And Dean only gets to say the tip of the iceberg quips and Snarks. When I know there is so much more that goes unsaid. (sighs) He was amazing in this episode. You picked up on the refinement of the voices he used too. Trembling, gravely, booming with a hint of quiver. The man is a wine celler of emotional flavors. Each full bodied and with a nice linger...oops sorry I strayed for a moment. ahem.

But GAH, we are going down such a scary road for them. You are right that they each have to travel down their own destiny's path but OHH I wish I could hold their hands while they go there.

I keep going back to what Ruby said about the human turned demon being a favorite palor trick of Lucifers. And how YED kept refering to Sam as his favorite. I have a really bad feeling that Sam is as tied to the last seal as Dean is. If Dean is the righteous man yhat is needed to keep the seal from being broken and Sam is the human broken turned demon. Does that mean if Dean can stop Sam from turning completely the seal will remain intact? Or does that mean that the blood of the righteous man spilled on the seal is what keeps it from breaking? or does the blood of the human turned demon spilled by the righteous man break the seal just like the first seal broke when Dean spilled demon blood in hell? And that would mean we'd be facing a death match.

I hate that! I want the love of the brothers to triumph over this. Like I said behind the couch, if God=Love and the one thing that has held those two together all their sorry assed lives has been their love for each other as brothers than how can God use Love as a weapon? It can't be done. Love doesn't work that way. So I want to see, NO I need to see Dean's love for Sam be the thing that saves him, saves the world as we know it. Any other way to end the show will be unacceptable, and not provide me with the life comes full circle kind of resolve they really need. I really need. (sniff)

Oh and by the way I miss you! Don't angst alone-you got me!
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Trust
Okay, this has to be Meggin, right? The couch comment gave you away. :) I also got your PM (assuming this is Meggin... *laugh*) and I'll reply to that soon. And once I get through the comments I'll swing by Crossroads. Can't guarantee that I'll comment, but I promise to read.

First, THANK YOU for coming by and leaving your thoughts. I am so grateful for that.

I just don't know if I can trust him with...Dean.

*hugs you for saying that*

The man is a wine celler of emotional flavors.

NICELY put. :)

If Dean is the righteous man yhat is needed to keep the seal from being broken and Sam is the human broken turned demon. Does that mean if Dean can stop Sam from turning completely the seal will remain intact? Or does that mean that the blood of the righteous man spilled on the seal is what keeps it from breaking? or does the blood of the human turned demon spilled by the righteous man break the seal just like the first seal broke when Dean spilled demon blood in hell? And that would mean we'd be facing a death match.

GAH!! All very good thoughts and I can see any one of these playing out, but still.. GAH!!

I need to see Dean's love for Sam be the thing that saves him, saves the world as we know it.

God, I so hope so. I really, really, REALLY hope so.

Guess we're in for quite a ride, yeah? See you next week?
eaglegirl6
May. 9th, 2009 05:40 am (UTC)
Whew! That one WAS heartbreaking. Sam, what are you thinking!!! And come on, when is Dean gonna get his groove back? He shouldn't've let Sam throw down on him that way :( We're almost to another summer break already... seems like we were just watching Dean get dragged into hell. Thanks for the excellent review:)
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:15 pm (UTC)
YAY! You're here! You read! I wouldn't care if you disagreed with everything I said. YAY! You're here! You read!

*does dance*
(Anonymous)
May. 9th, 2009 08:37 am (UTC)
Okay, I am attempting to get past my technology issues just for you - as a thank you for a great ramble. I love how you manage to bring pop culture into your reviews. Star Wars, War Games (is that not one of the best movies, ever? I rented it last week and made Jules see it. Held up too, not like Catcher in the Rye when I reread it last year - but I digress). Loved the comment, not a tingly, pain is sexy feeling. I agree. But the last scene, I must admit, I felt a little tingle. And thank God for that because the entire episode was painful to watch. I think I earned that tingly feeling. JA's acting was so solid, he must have been exhausted when the shoot was over. But, like I said to you earlier, I'm ready for them to kiss and make-up. I have loved this season, loved the twists and turns, the angst, the smart storylines, all of it. But I realized last night, when I forgot there was a new episode on, that I miss the monster of the week, and the boys relying on and trusting each other. Between the bailouts and the swine flu and everything else going on in the world, I'm ready to sit back and watch Dean and Sam kick some zombie ass. Or a chupacabra's. Hell, I'd even take a funky looking wendigo. Anyway, here's my theory on why Castiel let Sam out. Sam, a human turned demon, needs to break the last seal. Dean, a righteous man, needs to save the last seal. I don't think they can give us everything we need in 42 minutes next week, which would include the above mentioned kiss, but I really hope this arc doesn't go deep into season five.

Oh, and she eats babies? Come on, who came up with that? That so pulled me out of the story into, you gotta be kidding me territory. Good night, Gracie.

xoxo,

EFW




gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
HI!!! You have no idea how happy you just made me. THANK YOU.

Oh, and the baby thing? I know, right! I mean she mentioned this before when she was in the dental hygenist, but still... UGH.

I love how you manage to bring pop culture into your reviews

Hee -- thanks for that. I think my brain is a running loop of pop culture...

Sam, a human turned demon, needs to break the last seal. Dean, a righteous man, needs to save the last seal.

Oooo... that's good. That's really good. I mean, in a bad way, but yeah, good.

Thank you so much my friend. :) SO happy to see you.

Next week? Sam bat time, same bat channel?

looselyspeaking
May. 9th, 2009 08:54 am (UTC)
That was heartbreaking. Like you, I wanted to get between them at the end and stop what we just knew was going to happen, from happening. It's all torn up and ripped apart and I feel despair for them both. Where this ends is going to be very interesting, I just hope that I'm smiling at the end of next weeks eppy.

Great review, Gaelic.

Jane :)
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
I just hope that I'm smiling at the end of next weeks eppy.

Yeah... I don't know. I think we're going to be... grim. Like Season 1 and Season 3 grim. Man, my heart hurts now just thinking about it.

Thank you so much for coming by and commenting!!
jennygeee
May. 9th, 2009 09:20 am (UTC)
I so agree Gaelic, it must have been so hard for Dean to turn his back and walk up those stairs leaving Sam in the ‘panic room’ screaming! As you say, it’s like turning your back on your child when she’s crying! There is something built in us that reacts to our child – or person we love – when they are upset. When your baby cries you HAVE to comfort it and show it that you are there and that you care, and it’s only YOUR baby that you react to, it doesn’t matter how many other babies cry, that doesn’t have the same effect. Now I’m not comparing Sam to a child – but you know what I mean! It must have been unbearable for Dean to turn and walk away and he showed it all on his beautiful face!!

“Dean needs SOMEONE on his side. Not just “Heaven” and all of its mysterious ways. Someone he can reach out to, hold on to. Someone to back him up.”

Let it be me!! Let it be me!! I want to ‘back him up’ and I want him to reach out and hold onto me!!!! :D


”I couldn’t tell if we were seeing Sam’s imagination or if there really was something demonic at work there—something about the blood in him causing manipulative visions and not just his own conscious at work. ”

I really don’t think this was all in Sam’s imagination, I think it also had to do with the demonic blood coursing through his veins. I cannot imagine Mary saying those things about Dean so it had be demonic influence trying to get Sam to leave Dean!!

“Mary says that Dean can never know how strong Sam is because he is weak. He’s terrified. He’s in over his head. I can’t help it. My hackles rose at that. The angels haven’t said that Dean is strong enough—just that he is destined to stop what he started. I want someone to remember all that Dean has carried, all he has survived, all he’s sacrificed for the sake of his family. If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is.”

There isn’t a stronger person than Dean!! That’s why I cannot believe that it was Mary that said those things about the son she loves.

“How he got gone ain’t as important as where he got gone to.” Uhhh, that is nicely put, Bobby.”

Hehe eloquent as ever Bobby!! God I love Bobby!!

”I am afraid… very, very afraid, that Lucifer’s First has something directly to do with Sam

That’s an interesting thought Gaelic, personally I don’t think it can be, as Sam was not the only ‘special child’ there were all the others.

”Dean is broken, bleeding, on the floor, and Sam looks at him, a swift wing of regret ghosting his face, and then walks out”

I have to re-watch that again because I didn’t see it, and believe me I was looking for any sign of regret or remorse that Sam may have felt! When he was strangling Dean (Oh how it hurts to say that!) I kept expecting him to come to his senses and stop, but he didn’t, well he did stop but it wasn’t because he realised what he was doing!

I had such a hard time feeling sympathy for Sam during this episode! The only time I did feel any sympathy was when ‘Dean’ was telling Sam he was a monster in that ‘panic room’.

I don’t know how they are going to go back from this! When Sam walked out that door I didn’t see any love at all in his eyes, but in Dean, for the whole episode, all there was was love shining from him, love for his brother who he would, and indeed has, done anything and everything for! I don’t think I could love that character any more than I do right now! But I don’t want to hate Sam and I have to keep reminding myself that he is doing all this to get Lilith and this is the only way he thinks it can be done.

I am completely spoiler free and I have no idea what will happen next week – haven’t even seen any previews! But I think that Sam killing Lilith will not only change Sam, as Cas said, but it will be the final seal. So Dean would have broken the first seal and Sam the last! Well we shall soon find out!

Thanks again for this Gaelic!

Hugs

Jenny
xx
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
Hi Jenny!

Yeah, I totally understood what you meant about Sam's pleading being like Dean's kid crying out to him. For their relationship, it would hurt the same.

When Sam walked out that door I didn’t see any love at all in his eyes, but in Dean, for the whole episode, all there was was love shining from him, love for his brother who he would, and indeed has, done anything and everything for!

I know. I agree. The moment of quick regret that I thought I saw was so fleeting that I could have been imagining it, but the look in DEAN'S eyes... talk about being gutted.

I am completely spoiler free and I have no idea what will happen next week – haven’t even seen any previews!

I'm right there with you, hon. I couldn't see the previews because I downloaded it and now I don't want to because... ACK. :)

See you next week?
(no subject) - jennygeee - May. 9th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
bubbles759
May. 9th, 2009 01:02 pm (UTC)
My god,
i don't know how you manage to put such an episode review into such eloquent words. I've just finished watching the ep, (being an Aussie, we're still meeting Anna so I download it shhh), and my head is all over the place.
I'm still reeling from the last scene, Dean in somuch physical and psychological pain, lying on the floor, just tore at my heart. This is the first ep I've actually cried in.
I don't think there's anything that hasn't been said. Love your insight into these eps. and can't wait to see what you make of the finale. I don't think I can handle the hiatus without some sort of resolution. Fingers crossed Dean actually gets around to killing Ruby.
Looking forward to reading what you say about the next ep.
Here's hoping that the tornado's leave you in peace next week.
Hugs
Danni xo
gaelicspirit
May. 9th, 2009 09:31 pm (UTC)
Thank you, bubbles. I don't really think it's eloquent, but I thank you for saying so.

I don't think I can handle the hiatus without some sort of resolution. Fingers crossed Dean actually gets around to killing Ruby.

I know what you mean. I don't know that we WILL have resolution, but I know what you mean. :)

Thank you so much for coming by and I hope to see you next week.
roweenac
May. 9th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
OK. Loved your review as usual. But I would have needed to quote too much to do my usual reply. So I am gonna write topic sections about things you said in your review. Not a chronological comment this time...

Overall comment: Every epi hits me differently, I never knew there were so many layers of emotions in me. Even 'sad' comes in shades and nuances... And boy, I was dreading this episode and the next one. Because I knew Kripke would go and mess us and the boys up... Damn he did it. I am feeling differently than after Heaven and Hell or On A Head Of A Pin. There was still hope then if only a little bit. Hope that they would get around a painful, deep rift between them (yeah I am a master of self-delusion, I know). Now, the only thing that's left is to watch them go their separate ways. And I don't believe either of them will prevail. Because they only are invincible if they are fighting side by side, watching each other's backs. Somehow, to split them up -as both Heaven and Hell are trying to do – is the only way to BRING ON the apocalypse rather than PREVENT it. You hear me Cas???
Having known the title of this epi for some time I was looking forward with mixed emotions. It is actually my fav Zeppelin tune. But also, it is one of the more depressive ones. So, I was not really happy about the possible implications for this episode... and I was right.

OK. Here are my thoughts...


Dean/Jensen
Starting with Dean. Of course. Dude, did he try and try all his life -and in this episode- to get Sam out of each and every danger. Always worked, 'cept this time however... sadly it didn't. And there has never been a time (including Sam's death) when it should have – for the Winchester's sake, for the world in their 'verse and us in the fandom. My heart broke watching him fighting for Sam. Fighting his own instincts to run to the basement and hold Sam and tell him he can have everything he needs, just so he doesn't hurt anymore. God. I am not sure I could've done that.
Then, when he realizes Sam is beyond help, that Sam doesn't WANT to be saved; you can just see the eternal sadness in his eyes. *gulps* And then he says the terrible word “Monster” pushing Sam over the edge.
And for Jensen's acting... I dunno how he does it, I mean acting is one thing. But Jensen IS Dean in each and every episode. Makes him real. I have seen many movies and TV shows in my life but NEVER have I come across an actor like him. He is UNBELIEVABLE (*trembles thinking about the photoshoot in 3 weeks with Jensen...and the Winchester-squeeze and the Jared pic* *faints*). There are simply no words in English or my own language to describe what happens to me when I watch him work his magic. It's not the fact that he is easy on the eyes (and OMG he IS!) but there is some sort of ...um... reality he puts into the fictional (god, I just said Dean isn't real, didn't I? *faints again*) character. How can a person do that? That's more than method acting...
Back to Dean. The fact that he is willing to sacrifice his life again for Sam is at no time more obvious than when Cas asks him if Dean would be willing to be God's warrior. And is it just me or did that whole scene feel like another deal with a crossroads dem... uh… angel? That Cas compares Dean's obedience toward God with his obedience toward John... was just wrong. Way to go Dean for not going ballistic on the angel. I, for one, would have punched him in the celestial face right there and then. What can I say? Have a temper... Maybe that's why I don't own guns or knives, LOL. Too much of a temptation...
By the way, did I ever mention how much I love me a hoarse Dean? And this season I got plenty! Thanks Kripke!
The single tear and the Dean-Winchester-Chin/Lip-Wibble-Of-Doom always get to me. This scene was so reminiscent of Heart where Sam has to kill Maddy. Dean had the same look. Knowing he can't do anything to stop his baby bro from hurting. Can't help. Can't protect Sam. It's the ultimate sadness for him. Very different from what he feels about his deeds in Hell, mind you! No guilt is etched in his face or lingers in his voice. “Just” regret, loss and grief. And compassion.

(end of part one...)


roweenac
May. 9th, 2009 11:51 pm (UTC)
part two
That he is forced to speak those terrible words in the end... was so painful to watch. I could feel my heart break, freeze and shatter – all at one time. At that point I was beyond crying. I just sat there, biting my bottom lip, finger nails digging bloody fairy smiles into my palms and begged for it to be over. These words are the worst verbal injury Dean is capable of. And that he says them only shows how desperate he is. And Sam knew! He swallowed hard there.


Sam/Jared
Boy, Ginormo has really REALLY grown on me this season. The older he gets the better he becomes. Just like good wine. YUM. *drools over Jared pics*
Although I think it is the darkness that is spreading in Sam. Back in the beginning of the show he was just a normal college boy – OK maybe he had psychic abilities. But only Dean thought they were scary. I always had a soft spot for dysfunctional guys (the ex is proof to that) and even more so if they had a badass attitude and did hurt so well... So, I kinda slipped into the Deangirl role without a second thought. Very comfortably so.
This season however, we have explored the dark and evil parts of the man that is Sam Winchester. A journey that started back in AHBL2 with killing Jake. Then we had Mystery Spot, a clear foreshadowing of what would become of Sam after Dean's death. And now season 4. I can't get rid of the image of the blood-smeared mouth from The Rapture. But now I have another picture that will haunt me thinking of Sam. Or two to be honest. One is Sam's face with those weird red cracks or veins or whatever. Ugh. And the other is the look on his face strangling Dean. Utter hatred. *sniff*
But let's be a little more organized and detailed about Sam especially in his visions because they told us so much about his inner demons.
So, Sam has visions during detox. Alastair. YoungSam. Mary. Dean. All of them painful. All in different ways.
Alastair was physical pain even if Sam imagined it. It was the manifestation of his physical addiction and the withdrawal symptoms any addict would feel. But god, the look in his face. Jared did such a good job here. For some reason I never bought Sam's hurt as much as I did Dean's. But this time, Lord, I felt the pain myself.
YoungSam. Being confronted with yourself is never easy. Everyone is their own worst critic. Having to face my own younger self would be terrifying for me. I have done so many things I would have never dreamed I would when I was 13. But YoungSam had even worse things to say. And the bit about the yellow eyes in the end just confirmed another theory of mine. Boy, he was Guilt personified, just as VisionDean later on. And we all know there is no guilt worse than Winchester-guilt.
I think Sam will become some reborn Azazel if he doesn't stop and turn around now. This is Azazel's endgame and Ruby is in on it! She knows! And I think we will see Sam and Dean - after being reunited *eyes Kripke imperiously tapping her fingers on the desk*- try to prevent this from happening in season 5.
Mary. Oh god. This was a deep heart-felt hurt. The mother he never knew so close to him and comforting Sam, supporting him in his choice. Just the mother he would dream of having. But yeah, she was a dream. Not real and so not like the real Mary in what she said to him. And was it really just me or did she seem a little different in her face? I had to watch that scene a few times and even compared her to the few times we saw her before. Still, not sure what to make of that...
VisionDean. That was the ultimate torture for Sam. And me. Hearing say Dean the dreaded word “monster” was just beyond bearable. And it so reflects what Sam is feeling about himself. He hates what he is becoming but he deludes himself by what he may achieve. Again justifying means by the ends. And how he suffers by doing that. The pain and regret is plain, visible in his face. Way to go Jared. Really good.

(end of part 2)
part three - roweenac - May. 9th, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: part three - gaelicspirit - May. 10th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC) - Expand
lovinjackson
May. 10th, 2009 01:07 am (UTC)
**And he’s hurt that Dean refuses to even hear him out. I mean, I can see that in his eyes… but I still can’t cross that line. Sam’s just wrong in how he’s approaching this. And he’s breaking Dean’s heart… and therefore mine.**

- That is exactly what it comes down to for me!!!

*hugs*
gaelicspirit
May. 10th, 2009 03:06 am (UTC)
Word, Riggs.
(Anonymous)
May. 10th, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Frankly, I really dug your review.

It was long, but it didn't feel long. As a bi-Winchester, I have to say that BOTH the boys were amazing. i thought Jensen was fantastic. I could feel the need he felt as he left Sam and climbed the stairs, the light hitting his face as he heard Sam yelling for him in the background. I felt for him when he fought Bobby to leave Sam alone, let him get clean. I also was on my chair when he went into that suite, I wanted Ruby dead SO BAD! Even though I knew it wasn't going to happen, I wanted it. He wanted it.
Jared was phenomenal. I thought his whole addiction crisis was played brilliantly. I thought it was so cool with Alastair entering into the room. I didn't realize at first that it was a hallucination and until we say him in the bed, I thought it was actually happening. I LOVED it! I thought all his 'visitors' were wonderful. I have to tell you that I didn't think that was Samantha Smith on screen. The part, though, when Sam was getting thrown all over the panic room - OMG! Jared was GREAT! Jensen and Jim were GREAT! I was IN!
And I am in! I am looking forward to this weeks episode and then a Summer off. I need the break. Thanks for writing the review! I thought I'd swing in and leave a note. Who knows, maybe I'll start one of these LJ accounts all for myself!

~Blair
gaelicspirit
May. 10th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
At least you didn't say I coulda done better. ;)

I'm with you in the needing a break. It has been a helluva ride, and these boys are worth every minute of angst, but yeah. I'm ready for a (brief) break.

And you should get one of these accounts for yourself. You can get really cool avi's... post your thoughts about stuff... we'd like to see you.

G
novembersguest
May. 13th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
I did discuss with you the possibility of me linking your reviews to a post I'm heading up on SN.tv, didn't I? I remember asking you about something to do with your reviews some time ago and getting your permission to link to something....hee!

But, my memory is gone along with my time and sanity and I don't remember if it was this specifically :). SO, if you'd rather I didn't, let me know and I'll have the mods delete the thread, okay? It's not big deal...but I wanted Dean fans to have a comprehensive review for each episode as it airs--yeah, I'm a little late getting this going.

I think you are so savvy and insightful--I think your reviews would be a great discussion base.

*hugs you*

Edited at 2009-05-13 03:26 am (UTC)
gaelicspirit
May. 13th, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
Yup, you did. And yup, it's totally cool. :) Can you send me the link to your thread? I'm not really good at wading through the forums since I tend to avoid them like the plague.

Thanks for doing that. :)

*hugs you back*

(no subject) - novembersguest - May. 14th, 2009 02:34 am (UTC) - Expand
novembersguest
May. 13th, 2009 04:25 am (UTC)
Hi again, lady. Sorry I've not been reading lately--but it's just been the nature of the episodes. I know how positive and sweet you always are and lately I haven't felt positive or sweet.

Granted, I'm totally with you, I empathize with Sam, I see how he got here and know all the reasons why. I can see he means well--but at the same time I'm having trouble watching him break Dean's heart and repeatedly tell him how weak he is. It makes me angry. Angry at Sam.

And, no, I don't dislike SAM, but I so hate the things he's done and I hurt so much for Dean. So, I was afraid to come in here and taint your awesome perspective with my negativity. I was just spitting mad when he choked Dean like that. I know it's silly to get mad at a character, but I was. And when he told Dean he didn't know him, never did and never will--guh! I wanted to go Bobby on his butt.

Anyway, I won't spoil you, but I did see something this week that made me feel a lot better about Sam. For the first time, I felt his love for Dean again. It wasn't a BIG thing, but it meant enough to me to help me stop feeling so angry at Sam. I felt for HIM again.

And Cas--man, I want him to be good so bad. There's a theory going around that the angels who picked up Anna and took off were watching Castiel's every move and that's why he has to behave--and why he told Anna she shouldn't be there. I still have hope for Cas, too.

Either way, from what I've seen, I can guarantee a typical heart in your throat finale. Just like we like it, eh? Good lord, I just hope the weather works for both of us and we get to see it live. That would be a real kick in the caboose if not.
gaelicspirit
May. 14th, 2009 11:54 am (UTC)
Hey there -- Man, you ever have one of those weeks where time literally slips through your fingers? Every time I sat down to finish responding to comments on this thread, one thing or another would pop up...

ANYWAY... there is a book that I read to Mo Chuisle at night called "I love you so..." and in it there's a line that you made me think of when you said:

And, no, I don't dislike SAM, but I so hate the things he's done and I hurt so much for Dean.

The book says, "I love you without liking the naughty things you do."

I think that's essentially it with Sam. I mean I know the word "naughty" isn't quite right in this situation, but the sentiment is the same.

I was soooo tempted to look up the previews, but I haven't yet and since it's now the DAY OF, I'm not going to. But like everyone else, I'm sure, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this and what it would be like to be in their shoes. In a weird, weird way, I can kinda relate.

A sister of mine, the one closest in age to me, stole my ID one time, created a fake one for herself, and cleaned out my savings account. That in and of itself was bad, but the bigger deal was, I was paying for my own college, and that savings account was my next year's tuition.

When I discovered what had happened, I confronted her, completely shaking from anger. She wept, saying she had a problem, she needed help. We fought--not as violently as the boys, but for girls, it wasn't pretty. And I turned my back on her. For a year -- we didn't speak.

She never replaced the money. I ended up not being able to continue at the Ball State and went instead to a business college.

And then, I was just tired of being mad at her and I missed my sister. Now, it's as if none of that ever happened.

But I distinctly remember the anger, the hurt, the betrayal, and then this odd detached feeling of "well, eff her, then, I'm tired of dealing with it... I'm tired of bailing her out and covering for her and cleaning up after her and..."

I can totally see Dean going there. Just screw Sam, y'know? Dean has tried so hard, all his life, to protect his brother, to look after him, up to and including giving his life for him. And while Sam has been appreciative of that, he can't help but rebel and want to step free from what he apparently perceives as a smothering protection.

Only, instead of recognizing what Dean has done and THEN breaking free... he gut-punches his brother and breaks free.

For the first time, I felt his love for Dean again. It wasn't a BIG thing, but it meant enough to me to help me stop feeling so angry at Sam. I felt for HIM again

I truly, truly hope you're right, here, woman, because I need to see this before the end of tonight. I need it to carry me through to the fall...

Thank you again for coming by, for sharing your thoughts, and as always, for you wonderful, wonderful support. :)
(no subject) - novembersguest - May. 14th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
May. 13th, 2009 06:16 am (UTC)
*sniffs loudly* No. I'm not crying...
Uhm, yeah. *holds back tears and wipes nose* I, uh... totally agree with you. *lip trembles* There are parts in this review that I felt during the ep that you hit the nail on. I would post it here but I don't wanna take up so much space. :P I'm the type of person that can't really explain something in writing. I tend to repeat myself because I'm too busy spazzing out so if someone else explained it perfectly what's going on in my mind or whatever, I'm like, "Me too!" or "I totally thought the same thing." Not exactly a dignified or intelligent answer. lol. But yeah. You really got it there.

These last two eps. Especially this week's. THE last episode of the season is gonna be a doozy. Get ready for tears, fears, and jeers from the fandom because I have a feeling that Kripke is gonna go with a "Empire Strikes Back" type of ending(it all leads back to Star Wars) where everything has gone to shit and a BIG revelation is dropped on the fans. *imagines Dean frozen in carbonite and Sam missing a right hand.*... *shakes head awake* Anyway. You, lady, have a magical way with words. And you made me cry. There. You satisfied? Anything else? You gonna drop-kick a puppy while you're at it? Jeez. The nerve of some people. Here you are completely ignorant of a situation and someone has to come along with a deep and meaningful review of it and a wonderful writing talent to boot and now you're a complete sobbing mess afterwards. This is the last time I read one of these... *walks away muttering to herself*

You know I love ya. *winks*

~Crash_n_Burn
gaelicspirit
May. 14th, 2009 12:00 pm (UTC)
Re: *sniffs loudly* No. I'm not crying...
CRASH!!!

Oh, girl, I've missed you. :) Don't laugh, but I'm looking forward to posting a new story with hopes that you'll be able to read and comment. *laugh*

I'm sorry I made you cry. Kinda. Well, okay, the fact that you emoted because of reading really doesn't distress me that much, but I am sorry that the subject matter is making us all want to weep.

Thank you so much for looking this up, reading, and taking time to comment. Hang in there for tonight's epi. I'll be virtually holding your hand.

My best,
Gaelic

arafel979
May. 13th, 2009 03:46 pm (UTC)
...*sigh*...Sorry so late, but I finally made it here, Gaelic. Honestly, though, I am emotionally/physically spent from all of the thoughts I've had this week concerning our show, after viewing this one.

I have to run errands, but hope to be back because your words and thoughts deserve some time. They were, as they always are, so close to mine. I am having so much trouble with Sam, though. I just can't find much to sympathize or empathize with, even after this one...HallucinationDean-that Sam could even THINK these things of a brother who loves him the way Dean has and does...*shakes head in dismay*...but I believe it was the Mary hallucination that made me bristle with a heat that just turned into such a coldness towards Sam that(and THIS, regardless of that terrible motel scene at the end), just makes me feel like I truly don't want Dean to chase after Sam again.

"Mary says that Dean can never know how strong Sam is because he is weak. He’s terrified. He’s in over his head. I can’t help it. My hackles rose at that. The angels haven’t said that Dean is strong enough—just that he is destined to stop what he started. I want someone to remember all that Dean has carried, all he has survived, all he’s sacrificed for the sake of his family. If that’s not strength, I don’t know what is"

Thank YOU for saying this, but I SO wish the show would verbally acknowledge this, ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'S BEEN TO HELL!!!!! God, it just feels like this has been forgotten/glossed over sometimes this season to me.

Sam chose a demon, who is destroying his(Sam's) soul-and the same type of creature that tormented, tortured Dean in hell for forty friggin' years!!(has Sam EVER even given THIS a thought?!-because it doesn't seem like it to me!)-over the brother who has never done anything but love him and even now "just wants him to be okay"...I'm sorry, I got nothin' left for Sam, and I wouldn't blame Dean if he didn't either. In fact, I think it might be growth for him if he didn't chase after Sam except with the thought of stopping the Apocalypse now, because their broken relationship will have to come second to that; and in spite of what Sam thinks, Dean IS hunter enough to know this. And *I* don't think the angels are going to want Dean to kill Sam to stop it. *I* think they are going to want Dean to become something/someone else to stop it-the same thing that the demons want of Sam. We shall see, but how nice would it be for Sam to be the one who HAS to salvage things because Dean("our" Dean and "his" Dean) won't be able to...

Sorry, feelin' really bummed right now...But thank you-LOVED and enjoyed your words and thoughts, as always; and I WILL try to get back(and hopefully/probably in better spirits). :)
gaelicspirit
May. 14th, 2009 12:08 pm (UTC)
THERE you are. Don't make fun of me for this, but, I was worried.

Okay, for not having a lot of time to comment, you sure left some good thoughts behind.

I SO wish the show would verbally acknowledge this, ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'S BEEN TO HELL!!!!! God, it just feels like this has been forgotten/glossed over sometimes this season to me.

I agree to an extent. The writer/fangirl in me wants there to be a big fat spotlight shone on this that says LOOK WHAT HE DID!!! But if you think about a story plot over 22 episodes with two main characters who each have their own following... I suppose they do have to spread out the angst and attention. *grumbles*

Sam chose a demon, who is destroying his(Sam's) soul-and the same type of creature that tormented, tortured Dean in hell for forty friggin' years!!(has Sam EVER even given THIS a thought?!-because it doesn't seem like it to me!)-over the brother who has never done anything but love him and even now "just wants him to be okay"

Guh, nofrigginkidding. Talk about the ultimate backhanded slap. And Dean has swallowed that over and over and over because... he loves his brother. If Sam and Ruby had never crossed over the whole "drinking blood" threshold, Dean might have actually been able to accept her because she saved Sam's life. I mean, earlier on, he actually said THANK YOU to her.

But in Dean's mind, she played on Sam's weakness and enabled him to choose to become something he wasn't: a monster. And for that, she must die.

Personally? I'd sharpen the blade for him...

No worries if you can't make it back here -- but I will watch for you after the finale ramble is posted. :)

Take care of you.
Gaelic


tunes84
May. 14th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
I am still processing everything and I've not been able to fully respond to this episode to anyone as of yet. So forgive me randomly leaving you a comment (this is Jenn1984 from DeanDamage, btw) because you said this:

"During his conversation with… himself… Sam mentions Jessica for the first time in what literally feels like years. To be honest, I wondered if she still had anything to do with his all-encompassing drive to kill Lilith. I thought it was out of revenge for sending Dean to Hell—I mean, that’s why he started going after her in the first place. He couldn’t save Dean, couldn’t rescue him, couldn’t deal for him… so he decided to hunt for Lilith. And that obsession took over everything else. So, I was surprised and kinda pleased that he mentioned Jessica."

CAUSE I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT.

I've been wondering about Jessica. And after the one episode where they were in that alternate reality and didn't know they were brothers and they still became ghost hunters (I'm making sense, right? I can't remember the name of the ep right now and my computer is too slow to allow me to look it up without freezing completely on me)...anyway, point being, when Sam is telling Dean to call his family because he doesn't think they're real, he mentions he called his ex girlfriend, Madison, and her number was fake.

It sort of annoyed me that it wasn't Jessica. And I don't care if there are good reasons for that, I was still annoyed LOL.

I thought Jessica was just completely gone, out of his mind. I loved how she was brought back up, because I mean, let's face it...her death lit the fire (pun totally not intentional) inside of Sam. He was planning to *marry* her for goodness sake!

Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one who was happy to see she wasn't totally forgotten by Sam.

/insane rambling

<3 Jenn
gaelicspirit
May. 14th, 2009 12:10 pm (UTC)
Hi there!! So good to see you. :)

It sort of annoyed me that it wasn't Jessica. And I don't care if there are good reasons for that, I was still annoyed LOL.

I totally get you here. I mean, sure, the joke was supposed to be that Madison's number was a vet clinic or animal shelter or something. Ha freakin' ha. But yeah, Jess was HUGE for the Same we know and love... so to have him mention her midst all of this personal hell he was going through was, well... honestly encouraging.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we see more of "our Sam" soon.

And totally no worries on the "insane rambling"... you know me... I am rather wordy myself. *wink*

See you soon!
Gaelic
(Anonymous)
May. 14th, 2009 02:28 pm (UTC)
Hi, Gaelic. It's Ness. So sorry I haven't commented before now. But it quite literally took me all week to process and deal with the events that took place in this episode. I was, at turns, horrified and numb at what was occurring on screen.

Jensen and Jared both just...just rocked. As you say so eloquently, Jensen's facial expressions, eyes, and mouth give us absolutely everything we need to know about Dean and what he's feeling and/or thinking. And Jared--GUH--I found myself loving and hating Sam at different times throughout and sometimes BOTH at the same exact time.

This was an incredibly hard episode to watch. I do believe that you may have more faith in Kripke than I. I want to have faith, yet I fear what he'll do simply because he enjoys messing with the fandom.

More than anything, I just want the brothers together again. I want their bond repaired--made stronger by their recent adversities. Perhaps they'll both come to realize that they're each being played and used by outside forces and will come to realize they're stronger together. I can only hope.

Thanks for the awesome ramble. As always, you help me gain perspective.
gaelicspirit
May. 14th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
Hey there -- I'm happy to hear from you. I'd been a bit worried when a week went by... just because I knew how much this epi had to have affected you.

You might like this vid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcxtjNvKqjA

My good friend Sojourner84 sent it my way. It's kind of a letter to Kripke saying pretty much what you just said above.

I am both looking forward to tonight and dreading it with equal measure... I hope to hear back from you when all is said and done.

Oh, and one more thing -- I need to speak with you on a somewhat related topic. I'll ping you via Facebook later today.
arafel979
May. 14th, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
"THERE you are. Don't make fun of me for this, but, I was worried."

Awwwww....*blushes*



"I SO wish the show would verbally acknowledge this, ESPECIALLY AFTER HE'S BEEN TO HELL!!!!! God, it just feels like this has been forgotten/glossed over sometimes this season to me.

I agree to an extent. The writer/fangirl in me wants there to be a big fat spotlight shone on this that says LOOK WHAT HE DID!!!"

*I* am not a writer. I am only a fangirl, and a selfish, greedy, tunnel-visioned one, at that, when it comes to this issue. THIS is exactly what *I* want to see, not a whole episode, just a scene of someone, ANYONE!, saying this, and I would especially like Sam to be present to hear it or better yet, have HIM say it!...*sigh*...maybe someday. Ya know, come to think of it, it would even be nice if they would just LAY OFF the "Dean is weak"; "Quit whining"(because PFFFFTTTTT!!! to that!); "Boo Hoo"; "You're not strong enough"...basically I think it would be nice if Dean would just be allowed to voice some feelings that he's never been able to, that Sam, from as far back as S2 has badgered him to voice(that worked out well, huh?), and has actually been DISCOURAGED, lifelong, from voicing. I would even take just the CESSATION of all the crap...*grumbles*... NOT being a writer, I AM curious, though-is this a literary device? It seems to me, that whenever something is said more than three times on this show, *I* tend to think it's a falsehood. Maybe it's just me...*shrugs*... :)


"Sam chose a demon...over the brother who has never done anything but love him and even now "just wants him to be okay"

Guh, nofrigginkidding. Talk about the ultimate backhanded slap. And Dean has swallowed that over and over and over because... he loves his brother. If Sam and Ruby had never crossed over the whole "drinking blood" threshold, Dean might have actually been able to accept her because she saved Sam's life. I mean, earlier on, he actually said THANK YOU to her."

RIGHT?!!!! :)


"But in Dean's mind, she played on Sam's weakness and enabled him to choose to become something he wasn't: a monster. And for that, she must die.

Personally? I'd sharpen the blade for him..."

Word and word and word to this, sister!

My favorite scene from this one was when Dean and Bobby were trying to restrain Sam while he was having seizures. GODDESS!! Did Jensen convey the pain of it all for the loved ones there, or what?!-especially a parent. His EYES, again his EYES said it all. The pain IS just as great for those who can only look on...and the guilt...What you said about your sister killing your parents spirits-it happens-truly. :(

I LOVED how BEAUTIFUL Dean was in his steadfastness to try and do what was right and righteous in this one-when he argued with Bobby about using Sam as a "nuclear warhead"-GUUUHHHHHH!!!! The oath scene with Cas-these two men acting together make my toes curl-the facial expressions, THE BODY LANGUAGE!, the play of the shadows on their faces-big, big kudos to Robert Singer, too. The final scene in the motel room...the pain...just...the pain...I especially liked when Dean had to turn away, such was his pain...and the "I just want you to be okay..."-GUUUHHHHHH AGAIN!!!! and then the tear, right before the punch...and I can't even talk about the rest...*sigh*...Man, I am so nervous about tonight.
Thanks so much, Gaelic! See you tomorrow!
(Anonymous)
May. 14th, 2009 04:01 pm (UTC)
It's Ness, again. Wow--thank you so much for that video link. It was, for me, breathtaking in that it sums up everything eloquently and poignantly. I played it twice and cried both times--at work even. :-) All I can say is--Kripke PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE hear us and listen.

It's such an odd feeling to looking forward to something and dread something in equal measures.
( 53 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )

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