Gaelicspirit (gaelicspirit) wrote,

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Season 9 Confession (aka I can't go back there yet)

Hi all.

If you're reading this, I already miss our weekly Supernatural chats. I'm being totally serious! You all are one of the best things about being so obsessed with this show. So, I hope the hiatus is treating you well and that you're enjoying whatever you spend your time doing when our boys are not taking over our lives on a weekly basis. I've been trying to do some writing since I completed my last SPN one-shot...aaaaand that's where the confession part of this post comes into play.

Since I started writing fanfic and posting the weekly SPN Rambles, I've made a point of replying personally to each comment and/or review. I feel like those of you who take the time to leave me a comment on an episode review, one-shot, or chapter are offering me a gift of your time and I want you to know how much I appreciate that. Not only do you help me remember I'm not alone in my obsession, but your input encourages me to keep writing and telling stories.

And without writing and stories, I now know I'd be a shell of a person. Your input saves me from feeling hollowed out.

But while I will continue to work through the reviews to my last three stories (bad Gaelic for getting so behind!!), I find I'm really struggling with replying to the comments made on the Ramble for 9.23, Do You Believe In Miracles. It's not the comments, per se. It's the episode itself. Every time I sit down and pull up the Ramble, I start to feel this strange hole inside me where my hero and muse usually resides.

I know it's just a TV show. You know it's just a TV show. But it's brought so many of us so much more than just weekly entertainment that it's come to mean more to me than just a TV show. The ending of Season 9 offered us all an enormous possibility in storytelling for Season 10, and I am anxious to see where they'll take the overall storyline, but I'm finding the loss of Dean in the last ten minutes of the finale something I'm not really able to get over and discuss in comment replies quite yet.

The interesting thing is...I didn't feel this sense of loss when Dean died and went to Hell at the end of Season 3. Somehow I knew it would end up okay, even though we saw him suspended from chains crying out for Sam in the last minutes. Perhaps it's because I hadn't really experienced loss myself at that time. In the ensuing years, loss has hit me a few times -- most recently within the last year with the loss of my father. Something about Dean's death this time just...felt real. That and those damn demon-black eyes has me just not really wanting to go back there quite yet.

So, I wanted to thank each of you who took the time to read the Ramble for 9.23 and offer your thoughts. I read each of them and appreciate the input, shared emotion, theories, rants, commiseration, all of it. But I won't be replying to these comments this go-round. Not that I expect anyone is losing sleep over not hearing back from me, but just in case there are a few of you who are 'miffed' I wanted to offer an explanation and an apology. I hope you understand.

I still plan on Rambling for Season 10 starting in October. If you enjoy these types of recaps, I hope you'll return. And I will still reply to story reviews (slowly, but I'll get there).

In the meantime, I'm working through story outlines, character sketches, plot twists, and the random hurt/comfort scene for my original story, Kill Creek Road. It's quite a different experience, knowing that anyone who reads it will be entering my world rather than both of us happily meeting up in a world we are jointly comfortable in. But I'm enjoying stretching my writing wings a bit, and if and when I am able to finish this tale, I hope some of you will read it.

My best to you always.

Tags: dean winchester, episode review, fandom, original fic, ramble, stream of consciousness, supernatural, writing
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