Gaelicspirit (gaelicspirit) wrote,

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You never forget your first love (or Fandoms: A glimpse into my brain)

Hey ya'll!

How's the hiatus treating you?

This has been a busy, emotion-packed, roller-coaster of a summer here in Lawrence. We've been immersed in soccer (anyone watch the World Cup? June and July were 24/7 futbol in my house and anytime my Sporting KC boy, Graham Zusi, was on the screen w/ the USMNT, I was right there -- I mean, can you blame me:, kept Mo Chuisle busy with archery and swimming lessons, the hubs worked as a counselor for a youth CCFA camp, I busted my tail to keep my contracting gig at Cisco (long, complicated, politically-driven story that ends in "ugh, big corporations are insane") and balance the chaos and mayhem that defines my mother and siblings, and, sadly, we recently had to put down our 13-year-old Aussie mix, which resulted in more emotional exhaustion than I think any of us were prepared for.

With school starting for Mo Chuisle once more it feels as though everything should be getting "back to normal." But alas! We still have, what? Something like 42 days until the premiere of SPN S10? Not that I'm counting or anything. *shifty-eyes*

That's what I came by here to chat with ya'll about. I've gotten some interesting -- albeit flattering -- emails and PMs lately because I posted a story from another fandom and I thought I'd ramble a bit about the state of my brain when it comes to one of my favorite escapes: TV land.

Firstly, I will be continuing the post-episode Rambles here on my LJ with S10. If you enjoy reading and/or commenting on those at all, I wanted you to know you can return here to do so and I would love to see you. One minor complication is that it looks like I have to travel out to California for work during premiere week, so my Ramble will probably be a smidge late as I'll have to wait to download it on my Kindle, but! It'll be here. I would miss you guys too much! One of the best things to come out of my SPN adoration has been friendships; through this little-show-that-could, I have been fortunate to make some forever friends that truly changed my life. *sniff* *blinks away grateful tears*

That said, since I completed that post S9-finale one-shot, Hell Is Empty, I haven't felt the pull to write stories for our Winchesters as I used to. Something happened to me upon seeing Dean's black demon eyes. I felt like I couldn't easily see the Dean I loved to weave into my stories. I didn't stop being a fan or stop feeling invested in what the fate of my hero and his brother would ultimately be. It didn't stop my insatiable curiosity to find the answer to, "And then what happens?!?" But my muse...faltered. I couldn't summon the energy to create scenarios or ponder what ifs when it came to our boys. I had previously decided that From Yesterday would be my last SPN multi-chapter fic, but I left the door wide open for one-shots and it was rather disheartening to not feel really driven to create in this fandom. all.

So, instead I worked on my original novel (which, incidentally, has evolved into a possible three-book story arc and I am really pretty sure I'm totally insane for thinking I can actually pull that off but I fell a little bit in love with my main character and, well, I kinda want to see what he'll do). And I watched some other summer shows, like Teen Wolf (what? plot-schmot...they're witty and way easy on the eyes, even if I'm probably twice the age of most of them, and I REGRET NOTHING!), Outlander, and, most recently, The Musketeers.

And something interesting happened. My fanfic muse, which had been sleeping curled up in the corner of my brain, giving way to the heavier writing hand of Work Stuff and Original Novel writing, perked up her little head and began sniffing the air. I found I wanted to write stories again. Right now I'm in history-building mode with Original Novel where I have finally reached Level 4 and have cracked my character's tragic back stories, and am mapping out the city where they live so that I can keep track of streets, and am creating outlines so that I don't accidentally have someone discover something too early, and that's not really writing where one gets totally lost in the storytelling aspect, so...I've felt the lack.

But recently, I've found I want to tell stories again. About brotherhood and friendship and loyalty and the willingness to lay it all on the line for the sake of another. About bravery and betrayal and sacrifice and redemption. About boys with swords. And, for the first time since August 2006, it wasn't triggered by our Winchesters. I mean, sure, I've written one shots in other fandoms before -- Sons of Anarchy, Hawaii Five-0, White Collar, even The Young Riders. But they were truly one shots. One-off stories to see if I could pull it off. Create something from a show that I hadn't been living and breathing for the last ten years (or whatever amount of time it was when I wrote those get the idea).

Here's the most amazing part: I wasn't booed off the stage. People seemed to like what I created. Which only fed the muse. Now she's not just sniffing the air, she's prowling. She's moving through the forest of ideas, crouching low, shoulders bunching and bouncing, her eyes focusing on a target. She's ready to pounce. And it's exciting! It's exciting in a way it hasn't been in awhile, I'll be honest. I didn't realize that my muse had been languishing until I began to feed her again. I thought she had been fed nicely, but I think I was trying to keep her alive on black coffee and pie when I needed to ply her with something a bit...different.

The thing is, you really don't ever forget your first love and what I'm realizing is that I don't have to be totally devoted to our Winchester boys to be invested in their stories. I can wander, dabble, try different characters from different shows and my excitement for what is on deck for Dean and Sam wouldn't falter. I know the vast majority of you guys already knew that, and are most likely shaking your heads and tsking me, but it took me wanting to jump feet-first into another obsession and fall until my head was below the surface for me to realize that I can love SPN and also write elsewhere.

So, in response to those emails and PMs, yes, I am still following the plight of our favorite denim-clad mid-westerners. And yes, I'll be watching and reviewing as before. But, I honestly don't know if I'll write fic in the SPN universe for awhile. Or...again. It truly depends on what happens in the Show's storyline and if my muse catches a scent. In the meantime, until such time as Work Stuff and Original Novel take over the keyboard, there will be more boys with swords via The Musketeers fic (because I adored that first 10-episode season). If you like that sort of thing, I would love to hear from you. But, if not, come on by and talk SPN with me. I'll be right here waiting. *smile*
Tags: fandom, fanfic, ramble, real life, stream of consciousness, supernatural, the musketeers, writing
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