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Hi, ya'll. I have something I need to tell you. And before you ask, no...I haven't seen the premiere yet. Which is kind of the problem.

I love our show, you guys. I really do. I have been there since day one and don't intend to quit until the boys do. But life isn't playing nice with my schedule, my time, and my stress level right now. I really thought I'd be able to keep up my weekly Rambles of a stream of consciousness-style review, but I'm going to have to wave the white flag for now.

October is a tough month for me--for many reasons. It always has been, but ten years ago--heck, even 5 years ago--I was able to push my way through, knowing that I'd come out okay on the other side. Now, though...work has been really rough and though the hubs and Mo Chuisle are fine and healthy, I feel myself wearing thin (metaphorically speaking). Many of you know the drill: persistent insomnia, a general sense of being worn out, basically deciding to be happy instead of just being happy, more often than not. When I realized that this was the week SPN S12 premiered, I nearly burst into tears, knowing that I simply could not add one more thing to my plate and feeling, as I always do, that I was going to be letting people down if I stepped away.

But the bottom line is...I have to. At least for now. I don't know if I'll be able to regularly watch the episodes this season or if I will just group several back-to-back when my schedule permits. And if I can't watch regularly, then my reviews would be intermittent and that just seems...not the way I do things. So, I'm going on hiatus with my reviews this season. I may find myself mid-season with time to write out some thoughts, if you'd care to read them. But I don't want to unfairly plant expectations (if, indeed, there were any) that I'd be here each week to offer thoughts and a gathering spot to discuss as I have been over the last many years.

The great thing is, it's clear by various social media outlets--and by the fact that our Little Show That Could is now in its 12th season--that there are plenty of other gathering places for thought sharing to be had. I won't be depriving you of that. :) But I will miss you guys. Some of you have been constants here since I started posting these regularly in Season 3. I will still be here, still be watching, still be writing, still be around. But when free time is to be had, I'm going to be soaking up moments with Mo Chuisle (who is 10 now...can you believe it??) and enjoying my husband being healthy for now, and writing stories that hit that spot right in the center of me, allowing me to uncoil from the pretzel-twist that my job tends to shape me into.

I look forward to seeing what our boys (who, even in their mid-30s, will always be 'boys' to us) get up to and into and out of. I hope we all enjoy this season as much as the last. And as I said, I may be back around with some thoughts, but until then, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading my words, for sharing your thoughts, for engaging in thoughtful and thought-provoking conversation, for just being around and being fabulously, unequivocally you.... jazzyirish, thruterryseyes, apieceofcake, hunenka, jennygeee, iontas, primrose_1, borgmama1of5, shazza85, supernutjapan -- as well as those of you who only read and every single one of you 'anonymous' commenters.

You have offered me light and I hope light fills you. Carry on, ya'll!


( 52 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )
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Oct. 15th, 2016 09:51 pm (UTC)
I'm torn! I want to say how much your reviews have been an intrinsic part of my reaction to each episode, but I don't want you to feel pressured or guilty. Conversely, I want to say I totally understand and support your decision, but I don't want you to think I won't miss you! So please accept both responses as being affectionately meant - in short, thank you so much for your insightful, articulate and entertaining reviews.

As it happens, having come here to check for your S12 reaction I found 'The Cave' (not yet finished, enjoying a great deal, will comment there when done) so that was a bonus! As long as you're writing, I'll be reading. Good luck! :)
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. Believe me, this was NOT an easy decision. And I will probably feel the lack more than I anticipate...so don't be surprised if you see me back here summarizing a few episodes in one go. But I really appreciate your...um, well, appreciation. LOL!

I hope you do enjoy the rest of your read of "The Cave." :)
Oct. 15th, 2016 09:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you.
Hi! I'm sorry to hear you won't be reviewing episodes this season, but thank you for all the episodes you did review. I've been a fan of your stories for years and just recently found your episode reviews. I originally was just looking for a story, but then I figured it might be interesting to see what you thought of a few episodes. I got hooked. I actually spent a couple of weeks going through every single review you wrote, from the beginning. I'm sure people have told you this before, but seeing the characters through your eyes and from your point of view? Was fascinating! Especially since you were so open about personal events in your own life, it really made me see the show from a completely different perspective. There were episodes I never really cared for that I suddenly felt like I had to see again, and I even changed my mind about a few things. But I think it was how hopeful your reviews always were that made me want to read every word you've written. It's nice to see someone take negative or difficult situations, relate them to something a fictional character is going through, and then see the potential for hope, that somehow things will be ok. I don't mean to minimize your personal experiences at all, I just admire your reality-based positivity. You've clearly had a lot to deal with in your life, and I respect how you addressed some of those obstacles by relating them to the show. It kind of helped me do the same. There's something about seeing someone else handle (and sometimes mishandle) difficult situations that can make me feel less alone. So, my point is, thank you! Even though I will miss reading your reviews (this would have been the first time I read one "live"), I appreciate your time and I wanted you to know you helped me :) Sometimes it's the little things that can tip the scales, and, for me, your words were exactly what I needed in a very difficult time. You never know how much impact you might have on a stranger. I hope you don't mind that I saw a chance to let you know, so I took it. Even though opening my mind up to something new couldn't have possibly been your motivation for any of this, I think you deserve to know how much your words meant to me. Good luck with everything, and I can't wait to read more from you, no matter when that might be!
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Thank you.
Thank YOU so much for this. What a tremendous thing to hear. I'm honored and humbled that the reviews struck you this way. I don't mind at all that you took a chance to tell me -- I appreciate your words more than you know.

And this decision to pause these wasn't made lightly, trust me on that. I look forward to things settling a bit so that I can maybe provide a "ramble" mid-season or something. In any case, I thank you so much for your warm, thoughtful, appreciated words.
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:00 pm (UTC)
I'm glad that you are taking care of YOU and the thing that resonates most deeply with you - your family. It's why we were drawn to the show in the first place, right? I feel like I have no right to be sad that the weekly rambles are stopping as I've been overwhelmed myself so much over the last year that I'm not sure I was able to pop by, but it was a comfort knowing that you and the rambles were here. My problem was always that I thought I needed to get my own review done while I was still focused on my own reaction - and I've been under the gun so, so much with pumping out those reviews - hence my empathy with your situation.... I hope that stepping away from this one thing, will help in general. I also totally get what you're saying about working to be happy rather than being happy - and my greatest wish for you, my friend, is that that happiness finds you again. FYI, I'm going to bug you about Dublin in 2019.... and I hope that our paths will cross again soon! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the rambles to date.
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks, my friend. And please know that if I didn't mention you by name above it in no way lessens the tremendous appreciation I have for you when you are able to read and when you do comment. You know that right? Okay, good.

And I have Dublin 2019 on a stickie note on my desk. I'm...hopeful. :)
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:11 pm (UTC)
Hey, don't apologise for THIS! Life is as it is, and you should only be doing these rambles if YOU get some enjoyment out of them. life's too short to be doing things out of obligation and some sort of misplaced sense of duty. Fan things should be the escape from drudgery of real life, not adding to it.

I'm really happy to hear all is well healthwise (and blimey, your baby is ten? Eek, time flies...).

I hope you will be able to watch SPN this season because if this premier is anything to go by, this could be SUCH a great season. Pop on when you can to keep us updated with you and yours. xx
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks you so much -- and y'know, I DO enjoy them and I suspect I will feel their lack more than I anticipate now. I just can't fit them in at the moment and it's better (for me, anyway) to just hit the pause button for awhile and see if I can get caught up in life before sharing one again.

I'm planning to watch the premiere after I get Mo Chuisle to bed to night. I'm looking forward to it muchly!!! :)
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:34 pm (UTC)
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Oct. 15th, 2016 10:52 pm (UTC)
You may be feeling disappointed that you can't continue a tradition, but that is one of life's lessons: when something that has been enjoyable becomes a burden, for all that it has been a source of pleasure in the past, it is time give it a fond hug and move on. Because then you are available for the next fun passion...

While your well-reasoned insights will be missed, the body of work you've shared with us is a significant achievement!

My sincerest hope is that you will at least be able to continue to enjoy watching our boys and cheer them on through whatever season 12 throws at them!
Oct. 15th, 2016 10:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you, my friend. I really appreciate you putting logic to this choice for me. :) It was a hard one for me to make, as I know you know.

I plan on watching the premiere tonight after I get Mo Chuisle to bed -- and I'm very much looking forward to it (I kind of peaked at the spoilers in your group email thread so my appetite has been sufficiently whetted...haha!!).

Thank you again for always supporting me -- and for always reading and commenting. That means more to me than you could know.
Oct. 15th, 2016 11:37 pm (UTC)
Bb, you just take care of you. If you do a one line 'yay!' reaction, or nothing at all, that's all good. Don't fret about it. When you're up to doing the hard-core fandom sharing again, we'll be right here. :)
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you -- I'll be watching for you when that time comes. :)
Oct. 16th, 2016 12:00 am (UTC)
I'm sad :'(
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:36 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry I'm the cause of that. I have so enjoyed writing these and seeing your thoughts over the last decade. I just need to take a breath for a bit this season. I'm sure I'll feel the lack more than I realize and be back, but...I just couldn't disappear on you. :(
Oct. 16th, 2016 12:57 am (UTC)
I get it. Going back to teaching full time has been ASTONISHINGLY difficult. To top it off, I have to take some dumb test that says I'm smarter than a fifth grader to count as being "Highly Qualified to teach in the state of Utah" AND I'm going back to college in January on top of working full time. I'm tired. REALLY tired. So you're not alone, Lady. Do what you have to do, the same way I have. When you get the chance, though, tell me what you think of this season. Because I like what you think.
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:40 pm (UTC)
Well, as mine is currently a 5th grader, I wish you luck because there are times when I help her with her homework and think, "WTH happened to my brain?!"

I'm so excited for you to be going back to college!! That is fantastic!! *confetti*

I will be back around at some point, I'm sure of it -- I'll watch for you when I come by. :)
Oct. 16th, 2016 01:13 am (UTC)
My dear friend, I understand completely. As much as I love your rambles, I haven't had consistent time to read them, so it makes sense that you might have a hard time making the time needed to write them.

Glad to hear that your hubs is healthy for now. That's such a good thing!

You and your family need to be first priorities for you, so take the time you need. We'll be here when you can come back.

Oct. 16th, 2016 04:40 pm (UTC)
((HUGS)) Thank you, Nana. It's been quite a ride, hasn't it? I'll be back around at some point, I'm sure, but I really appreciate your support in this.
Oct. 16th, 2016 01:25 am (UTC)
Thank you for all of the Rambles. They have always been a bright spot in my week. But it's okay to step away. As much as I love Rambles and hearing your thoughts on the boys' adventures, taking care of yourself and your family is more important. Sometimes it's nice to unplug and just watch the show. If you find a little time and want to ramble a bit, I'm all ears, but if you don't...that's okay too.
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:42 pm (UTC)
I haven't really ever just...just watched the show w/out thinking about how I'd frame up my thoughts about it. It will be a nice, new experience this season, I think. :)

PS -- We need to schedule coffee/lunch again sometime...like mid-November, maybe.
Oct. 16th, 2016 01:32 am (UTC)
I just got home from a trip and watched the episode. While I love your Rambles so much, I am proud of you for putting yourself first here! You have given us so many gifts with your writing over the years, you totally deserve to take a break. I will be here when you get back, or if you just what to chat about an episode when you get to see them. You are doing the right thing. Frankly, I don't know how you do all the things that you do. When you do get a moment of down time, take some time to smell the roses for awhile!
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:42 pm (UTC)
I will be here when you get back, or if you just what to chat about an episode when you get to see them.

THANK YOU. That means so much to me. ((hugs))
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:34 am (UTC)
Your reviews have always been one of my favourite things to do after I watch the Show each week. You write with such passion and joy and empathy and perception about the characters. I adore your observations and insights and beautiful writing style. But I totally TOTALLY get how Real Life can completely overwhelm you and that in order to preserve the joy you have in something, and to protect your own creative spark, you have to surrender to the demands of work and sanity. I am living the same frantic pace. No need to apologize for a "Rambling Hiatus". I'm grateful you did them at all. My regret is that you don't even have the break of the weekly escape with the Winchesters. It's quite therapeutic, especially when there is no expectation but to watch & enjoy. I hope life grants you that window soon. Take care of you. Pragmatic Dreamer
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for saying this. It means a lot to me. I have to work this weekend, so I haven't had a chance to sneak in a viewing like I'd hoped, but maybe tonight!! :) I am kind of looking forward to just watching them without framing up my thoughts on how to capture my reactions while I watch.

I'll be back around at some point, I'm sure. But thank you for understanding in the meantime. :)
Oct. 16th, 2016 07:15 am (UTC)
Maz here
Good for you - it has to be done. Will miss you weekly but totally understand and sympathise. Love to you all.
Maz X
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Maz here
Thank you, Maz. I mean it. Thank you SO MUCH for everything you've offered me over the years in your comments and reviews. You're such a light to me.
Oct. 16th, 2016 07:46 am (UTC)
I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself. While I'll miss your stream of consciousness posts (which I kept up with even when I fell behind on the show) I will still look forward to hearing from you whenever you may feel up to sharing your thoughts.

(Also, I'm very glad to hear that your husband and 10 year-old(!!) daughter are keeping well!)

♥ *hugs*
Oct. 16th, 2016 04:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much -- having the hubs healthy is a definitely a big deal, and Mo Chuisle wasn't even BORN when I started watching/rambling about this show, so...yeah! LOL! I really appreciate you understanding. And I'm sure I'll be back around at some point. :)
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( 52 Tall Tales — Tell Me A Story )

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