Gaelicspirit (gaelicspirit) wrote,

If you were me... what would you do?

I need some advice.  My sister emailed me this morning -- this is the sister closest in age to me who is married to a redneck a-hole that verbally abuses her. Said redneck a-hole was laid off about a month or so ago and it put a lot of strain on their little family. Sister found a job as a teaching assistant at a local high school and put their 4 (almost 5) year old son in preschool/daycare while her hubs searches for a job. Hubs found a good lead on a job last week, and while this might be a good thing, here's where the fun begins.

At first a-hole was apparently happy that she was working in the "we'll both make money and not be struggling to get by" vein. But after the first day of tears from my nephew, he demanded that she quit her job and stay home. Again.

I've talked with her about this. It's good for nephew to be in this environment now because he has to go to Kindergarten next year and he's never been around other kids -- let alone away from her for 8 hours a day -- and this way "real" school won't be such a jolt for him. She says he tells them fun stories about being there and every time she calls (which, knowing her is about 3 times a day) the teachers reassure her that he's laughing and having fun.

The email this morning, though, said that nephew was waking up in the night crying that she has to work and he has to go to school. She is getting pressure from the hubs to leave. She's feeling so torn. Because, secretly, though she won't admit it aloud, she wants this job. She wants an identity again. And she wants to be able to make her own money. I know she was looking to have me say, "Honey, it's okay. Go ahead and quit and stay home with your son. You won't be able to do that much longer as he starts real school next year, so take what you can. You can look for another job."

But I don't want to say that and I'm really struggling with what to say because 1) I don't want to turn her away from seeking me out and 2) I don't want to be another pressure on her and 3) I've never been in her situation. Mo Chuisle went to daycare at 6 weeks old because I had to (had to) return to work. It was hard, and I cried a lot, but we got through it and now it's normal for us. And she does really well with other kids.
So, I don't know what she's going through, and I'm hurting for her. .

How do I help her?

Tags: family, need advice
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